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Sunday 30 June 2013

GLASTONBURY 2013

(This is a think piece about Glastonbury 2013.)

Just watching Glastonbury Festival atm.
I'm not there in person - but as a Caucasian member of the 1st World with the amazing power of the internet at my disposal - I can stream it directly into my living room.
Internet > Satellites & Wires (?) > Laptop > HD TV > Living Room

"Imagine a world,
where everything in the world,
is only a few clicks,
away." - A Haiku celebrating our modern world ©

Sort of feel that a music festival is the best / only opportunity for a band to pitch their product to potential new consumers. From what I understand, the music industry is 'fucked' due to a double-threat from over-saturation and the incredible world of online piracy. 

Just too many bands and MP3s in the world :-( sadface.
Just sooo many torrents in the world :-( sadface.

Sometimes I feel 'overwhelmed' by the sheer volume of content out there. Even if I spent the rest of my life listening to songs and watching official music videos / crappy fanmade ripoff music videos I think that I'd only get through __% of what's available. And that's not even taking into account new products being created in bedrooms and fancypants studios. 
I feel like we're living in an imperfect storm - where content, piracy, saturation, and technology have created a 'clusterfuck'.

Don't even think I like bands / solo artists anymore.
Get moar enjoyment out of 'taking the Michael' out of their haircuts and musicianship. 

Glastonbury.



Because so many acts play at festivals occasionally some 'fall through the cracks' and fail to secure their 'shot at the big time' - condemned to an eternity of financial purgatory. Realistically, if you're not playing on one of the 6 (?) main stages then you might as well 'drop it like it's hot' and go home, which is why I am aghast when bands play sillybuggers with an indulgent 10min intro or prolonged middle 8 situation.
Is this short-sighted and a waste of precious spotlight time?
Just thinking (typing) out loud, really.

As you know, there's so much content competing for our attention and so many desperate cashgrabs by 'fucking bullshit' content creators - sometimes it's more convinent to just tune it all out. 
It's hard to know what's legit and what's a stoopid manufactured product by The Man, a mobile phone company, or a fruityloop energy drink promoter.
My thoughts are with the artists; it's hard to make ends meet, y'all.

"We must show delicate compassion and support them, 
but also utterly condemn and disown them, 
when they fail to provide, 
an acceptable MP3 / product." - Haiku 

Anyways, just riffing on Glastonbury 2013 in this post; exploring my relationship with music as a savvy-internet user and MP3 consumer.

Really need to relearn to simply enjoy music for what it is and not over-analyse the situation. 
Unfortunately, we're all so self-aware now that welcoming a new MP3 into our lives can be a traumatic experience leaving us vulnerable - akin to 'shaving a Brazilian'.

Q&A
Are you a band or an MP3 competing to be heard in the modern world?
Is a music festival a remarkable experience (due to meeting like-minded people and pursuing the opportunity to 'cum') or a thorough pain in the ass (due to soggy penguin weather conditions and poor line-ups)?
Are large festivals and sporting events the only use for the Red Button on your remote?
Does the young man from Foals have a potty mouth?
Are The Alt-Js (The ∆s) sorcerers or a bunch of sadsacks?
I saw some fruity-looking guy singing between acts for the interviewer people on Friday - I think his name was Michael _____ and he had a quiff - does anyone know wtf his situation was because he was just awful?
Why is Example?

(This has been a think piece about Glastonbury 2013.)

Saturday 29 June 2013

SUPER ADVANCED COMICS - DINOBOT

Hey, y'all.
Just wondering if anyone remembers the major television series from the 80's / 90's - The Transformers?

Recently Hollywood made a desperate cashgrab by rebooting the franchise on the big screen. Unfortunately, Hollywood is 'haemorrhaging money' due to the wonderful world of online piracy. (Not that we'd know anything about that, right y'all?)
In order to secure more $$$, Hollywood is making another Transformers film and adding the Autobot Dinobot Transformers into the situation. 

When I was a child I really enjoyed the Dinobot robots, as they ticked all the relevant boxes for a tween boy who was 'too old' for stupid preschool toys and 'too young' for internet pornography.

Robot [ x ]
Dinosaur [ x ]

It was a simpler time - and back then ^^^ that was enough for me - but now I am more self-aware and spend sooo much time on the internet, I have learned to question everything :-) happyface.

Seems like there's some major design flaws with the Dinobots:


  • Lazergun technology + borderline retardation + prodigious strength + ability to breath fire = a highly unpredicatable killing machine.
  • Transformers are robots which are 'in disguise' to avoid persecution and 'murder'.
  • The effectiveness of a 30' tall gold and chrome extinct reptile as a 'disguise'.


Feel so #embarrassed of the 'old me' for not questioning this situation more thoroughly :-( sadface. 
Decided to draw a comic to make amends.

Gtg. 
I am feeling :-( sadface.

Friday 28 June 2013

WOULD YOU LET A STRANGER BORROW YOUR MOBILE PHONE OR WOULD YOU TELL THEM TO EFF OFF?

Hey, y'all. 
From what I understand, our mobile phone's are one of the most important pieces of technology in our collection. It's sort of like a timecapsule which is constantly being updated (due to MicroSD card, USB Sync, and software updates). It contains most of the content which makes you, 'you'.
Let us rejoice:


  • Peer group and social standing (Phonebook). 
  • MP3s (MP3 player).
  • Your level of technological and self-awareness (Apps).
  • Relationship situation (Sexting and neutritous noods from GF or BF).
  • Financial situation (Owning a fancypants HTC / iPhone or a 'piece of shit' Nokia / Blackberry).

Accepting all of this as truth, are you willing to play 'Russian roulette' with your mobile handset by lending it to a stranger?
/:-/ compassionate-face

Although we can all agree that stealing content OTI is a victimless crime, unfortunately there are shady individuals who steal and commit miscellaneous crime IRL.

All of ^^^ this went through my mind when this broad came up to me and asked to borrow my mobile.

She was a lil Asian thing; approachable but also mysterious. Although I was interested in the opportunity to 'cum', my kneejerk reaction was to tell her, "No. My phone's out of battery."
(This was, of course, a lie.)

Q&A
What would you've done?
Do you believe in helping other people or is that mostly for squares and lameOs?
Are you on Pay as You Go or is that mostly for the homeless?
Do you care about Identity Theft or is it all just a 'bunch of bullshit' cooked up by the Old Media to scare _____?



Was the major motion picture Swordfish based on a true story?

Thursday 27 June 2013

1STWP: IS IRONMAN A 'FUCKING ASSHOLE'?

(1st World Problems is a regular feature on iam___ where we explore the many dangers which threaten us as self-aware members of the 1st World. Let's see what today's situation is.)

-----

Hey, y'all.
Just watching the previous 2 Ironman films atm in preparation for when a decent torrent of Ironman 3 becomes available so that I can DL it and watch it illegally. 

From what I understand, Ironman is The Cool One from the Avengers team of advanced superhero friends. He is worth literally tens of thousands of US Dollars and lives a decadent, playboy lifestyle: 


  • Keeping it casual in some of the worlds most amazing cars.
  • Surrounding himself with glamorous women / 'Grade A pieces of ass'.
  • Buying expensive presents / making passive-aggressive demands for sex. 
  • Private aeroplane.
  • Hobnobbing with celebs and smoking cigars.


Unfortunately, I am unfamiliar with the majority of ^^^ those activities and am sadly priced-out of enjoying them, so I have no choice but to utterly condemn Ironman (due to jealousy).  

Feeling really apathetic about my quality of life.
Feeling like I live in the 3rd World in conditions similar to those of an animal when compared to T. Stark / Robert Downey Jr.

Is it too late to go to university to study Business Studies?

Lets take our mind of things with a brief Q&A hmmm?
If you could be any superhero for a day / the rest of your life who would y'all chose? 

Check your answer against what it says about you below: 



Captain America: You are a goody2shoes and probs middle management at a call centre / miscellaneous retail outlet. 



Batman: You are mysterious but also approachable and trustworthy. You 'get shit done' and don't give an eff about authority or The Man.




Hulk: You have low body confidence :-( sadface.  




Green Lantern Man: You are constantly 'on the go' striving to be the best that you can be. (Dozens of abdominal exercises and L'Oreal moisuriser.)




Ironman: 'Fucking asshole'.




Spiderman: You are playful, self-confident, and self-aware. Although you enjoy internet pornography, it is mostly harmless / light bondage.



Thor: You have seen the major motion picture - The Matrix around 4 times. You spend sooo much time OTI arguing about 'complete fucking bullshit'.

The Superman: Ugh. You probably do not know a lot about comics. You prefer Smallville 2000 to The Amazing Lois and Clark Adventures 1990.



Wonderwoman: You are The Cool Broad at work. You are 'down' with going to stripclubs and posting vague status' / melancholy selfies. 



Wolverine: You are a clevercloggs kind of shrew, explaining how technically mutants are not superheroes and then looking smug. You will have back hair.




Bonus Q&A
Does anyone know wtf happened to Teri Hatcher's bewbs after the mid 1990's? 
I am aghast.


Wednesday 26 June 2013

SUPER ADVANCED COMICS - HEAVEN


(This is Heaven. Obvs God is in the middle and he's joined by the popular religious animals an angel and 1 pegasus. The words say, "God bless all of y'all." Let's see what inspired this piece hmmm?

-----

Y'all. 
You may remember yesterday when we got really vulnerable, thinking about life / death and what will happen to us when our metaphorical meme cycle comes to an end. 
Do y'all ever wonder what will happen to y'allselves when you die?

Unfortunately, I do not understand people who are 'into' religion, nor am I willing to learn - but if I had to guess - I would say that heaven is 100% like the above image.

Gtg.
I must like as many religious Facebook Pages as I can to 'cover my bases' / ass when I try to ascend up to heaven.
Just thinking (typing) out loud here - but do you think that cyberbullying / piracy will get me into trouble with Caucasian Jesus / Buddha?
#worried.

Tuesday 25 June 2013

YOU AND YOUR ETERNAL SITUATION

Y'all. 
Yesterday was really windy so I 'worked from home'. Y'all know the score - browsing torrent sites, social networking, posting selfies, and other equally important 1st World situations.
Unfortunately, I didn't get much work done, but then there's always tomorrow. But what about when there is no tomorrow?

!
:-O amazed-face.

From what I understand, I will 1 day die :-( sadface. All of the content which makes me, 'me' will come to an end (other than the memes which I leave behind on the internet, which will of course be around forever - and children - which are the biological ambassadors / torchbearers of you and your situation.)
As y'all know, I have sooo many demands on my time, so I cannot spare any time to dedicate myself to BS time-sinks like religion. 

Need results NOW.
Cannot be effed to invest time in longterm fruityloop hobbies like Christianity / 1 of the several Brown Religions.


Q&A
Do any of y'all know wtf happens to us after we 'pass away'?
Unfortunately, I have not researched the issue, but I would guess that the following eventualities are possible - listed from 'best' to 'worst case' scenario:
a) Heaven: A stable highspeed broadband connection, <3 love, animals, MP3s, paid sick days, HD movies, and an open bar for y'all and y'alls friends? 
b) Purgatory: Loads of grey and beige, data capped broadband / 'fair usage' policy, platonic spooning, eating pasty slop food like Robocop policeman?
c) Nothing: _____.
d) Poland: 24/7 mandatory turnip parties?
e) Hell: Dial up internet connection on a 'piece of shit' AMD K6 desktop PC which has sooo many spywares (and also there are rivers of fire (and torture))?  


Does anyone know of any churches which offer free wireless network connections?
Does anyone know if, in addition to protecting Caucasians, God also welcomed dinosaurs into the afterlife? (This seems like a very irresponsible and potentially volatile situation if it is true, which could deteriorate at a moments notice, creating a public relations nightmare similar to the major motion picture - Jurassic Park.)  
Does anyone know why so many religious men play sillybuggers with children / play Jack Johnson MP3s on crappy nylon string acoustic guitars brought from eBay?

Sooo many unanswered questions about #religion.
Defo need to become more religious for the 3rd and 4th quarters of 2013.

At the start of this post I was feeling very scared about the future and my eternal situation, but now I'm feeling okay about everything :-) happyface. 

Might just repent all my sins at the end (of #life) and hope for the best.

Good luck out there, everyone.
"God bless all of y'all."
<3 (heart symbol.)

Monday 24 June 2013

I HAVE SEEN A MAN WEARING A 'BONK MACHINE' T SHIRT. WORRIED.

Good afternoon, the internet. Let's get down to business hmmm?

I think that y'all and I know each other pretty well by now, and we share a number of key interests:


  • Illegally downloading content.
  • Snarky Blogspots / Wordpress situations.
  • 'Taking the Mickey' out of politically-aware sadsacks.
  • Self-awareness.
  • Avoiding BS middleware (Yahoo! Toolbar, Bing Desktop Searchbar, Google + Social Suite, Super Advanced PC Tune Up, Auto Driver Update Situation, Clownshoes Media Player.)
  • Avoiding disgusting DRM and, if necessary, manually removing its keys from our Registry so it's utterly effing annihilated - like Hiroshima, World War II (2), or the major RTS PC game from the 1990's Total Annihilation.


Do y'all like fashion?
Unfortunately, I have 'my hands full' just trying to stay abreast of the latest meme cycle and cyberbullying strangers, so I can't commit that much time to the world of fashion and 'what's in' :-( sadface. 

Mostly just wear a mix of retro 'statement pieces' along with generic earthy-colour palette pieces, and throw in a fruity accessory as a conversation starter. 
I'm not much of a fashion-monger, but does ^^^ that sound 'okay?'

Sooo confused about trends and remaining informed about trends. 
:-? confused-face.

"I am in a constant war,
against myself,
to remain,
relevant." - A simply astonishing Haiku; emotive but also confrontational. 

Just saw some soggy little penguin wearing a 'Bonk Machine' T Shirt.
Worried.



I am not sure what this guys malfunction is - but if I had to guess - I would say that he probs does not get to 'do the bonk' too often. I would even go so far as saying that he's had between 1-3 sexual partners in his lifetime. I would even go so far as saying that these partners were of bellow average attractiveness. I would even go so far as saying [something hurtful].

Please be careful when making your wardrobe selection. 
Remember, the eyes of the world are on you / judging you and your situation.

"Although it is mainly,
what is on the inside that counts.
Looking good on the outside,
will make people like you 1st." - A Haiku © 2013

Q&A
Are you a #bonkmachine?
In 4 years will this guy look back and think, 'Fuck'?
Do you have any embarrassing fashion anecdotes?
Do they involve any of the following clothing brands:
Stiffy?
Naff Naff?
Baggy / skinny jeans?
Tie Dye situations?
Black bomber jacket / orange lining combo?
Manga and / or miscellaneous Anime clothing?
Frumpy bra?
Tell us YOUR fashion faux pas and YOU could win a laptop with an Intel Celeron Processor, 1 months antivirus protection with Norton 360 (no virus definition updates), and 1 to 1 technical support with that fucking Clippy paperclip thing.



Today has been brought to you by FASHION.

xx (2 kisses.)


Sunday 23 June 2013

TWERKING

Sup, y'all.
?

Have y'all heard about this major new teen situation called Twerking?
At 1st, I was like :-O amazed-face, but now I'm more like /:-/ concerned-face.

From what I understand, women of a consenting age do a lil dance where they stick their ass out and shake it. To win the prize you must try to slap your ass cheeks together, creating a pleasant ripple-like effect. If you're successful then you'll get 'mad props' from women and the opportunity to create the facility to 'cum' with men.




I am aghast. 
This new teen fad is being championed by the influential broad Milly Cyrus / Hannah Montana. Unfortunately, I have not researched the situation - but if I had to guess - I would say that Beyonce, Rhianna, and possibly Katy Perry are also involved somehow.
#worried.

"Teen girls are the future,
mothers of tomorrow.
Sent down from heaven,
to improve our lives / general situation." - An Emotional and Delicate Haiku 

Q&A
Have you Twerk?
If you were a parent and you saw your daughter Twerking would you:
a) Keep it Casual - Respecting your daughters choices and trusting her judgement? "My little girl is all grown up. It is time to let go."
b) Neutral - Coming to terms with the situation and biting your tongue? "_____."
c) Completely Lose Your Shit - Creating a scene and dragging her home in front of her peers? "I cannot believe this. I cannot feel my eyes. Sooo disappointed.
(You MUST choose an option.)
Do you think that Queen B and Ri-Ri are good rolemodels for females aged 12 to 48 - transporting a woman from her mundane reality of minimum wage data entry in Tunbridge Wells to a life of dizzy excitement in Hollywood, eating smack cocaine and doping a bong, with the power of their music?
Is Rhianna a black queen or just an enabler?
What is a Baby Mama?
Do you think that being Jay Z or dating Rhianna would be a 'complete fucking nightmare' when Queen B and Ri-Ri come back home at silly o'clock in the morning playing Independent Woman MP3 very loudly?



xxxo (3 kisses. 1 hug.)

Saturday 22 June 2013

LET ME SHOW YOU MY CAT

Hey, y'all.
Feeling really full of the joys of Spring / I'm drunk atm.
Thought I'd just riff about my cat in this post as things have been getting far too serious business around here recently. Let's begin hmmm?



My cat's called Mao-Mao LOL and as you can clearly see, she's fluffy and has the full package:


  • 4 legs.
  • Ears.
  • A tail (not pictured).


She's 2 years old and I brought her from some broad I found on The Gumtree. Loads of goody2shoes' said that I should've got a rescue cat, but I just didn't think that that was for me, man. Not at all. From what I understand, a rescue cat is sort of like something that you'd find at the bottom of the bargain bin at your local crappy independent record shop / book shop / The Topshop / miscellaneous primitive dying high street business model.
Just didn't want that kind of BS in my life, you know?



Here she is again having a lil nap. Mao looks a lil bit like the Firefox fox in this photo (due to redonk tail action). Do y'all think that the creative team that invented the Firefox logo made 'mad bank,' or do you think that they were just a bunch of effing daydreamers / interns and got 'the shaft' due to poor legal representation / willingness to work for free to build their portfolio?
From what I understand, the job market is tough atm - so realistically sometimes it's like you have to lose the battle (work for free) to win the war (get a job).
Are call centre's 'fucking bullshit?'
What is THE WORST job?
a) Retail Middle Management: Having to meet targets, bust the staff's balls about a bunch of BS, team building situations?
b) Singer / Songwriter Situation: Getting sooo vulnerable on stage, spamming your friends to like your Soundcloud MP3s, thrush STD?
c) Lazy Treefrog Binman: Throwing your metaphorical toys out of the metaphorical pram about _____?



Just thinking out loud. Riffing.
Mao spends loads of time keeping it casual / looking all kewt and stuff. 
Having her around enhances my situation in the following ways:


  • Shows broads that I'm a sensitive, caring male / provider man.
  • Entertainment (due to miscellaneous antics).
  • Affection (due to miscellaneous physical contact).
  • Responsibility. (Think having a Tamagotchi PetPokeman Red / ChiChi Monster where the stakes are effing redonkulous high / possibility of death :-O amazed-face)
  • Moral Boost. (When Mao comes into my room at 8am and gets 'all up in my grill' I know that it's going to be a simply outstanding day.)


Q&A
No Q&A today. 
Just go out and keep things as real as humanly possible. 
(Cyberbully at least 1 person.)

xxx
(3 kisses.)

Friday 21 June 2013

#BINSTRIKE

Really want to get real with y'all for this post. 
/:-/ compassionate face.

(This is a think piece about Brighton Bin Strike 2013.)
I live in an opulent seaside town in the South East of England. 
Life is pretty casual. We have a predominantly Caucasian population and most of the miscellaneous coloured peoples are Asian. 
If I had to guess, I would say that our city would score 8/10.

Recently our bin-people voted to go on strike for a week. They're working over the weekend then going back on strike again for another week. Unfortunately, I don't understand the situation, nor the politics involved - but I've heard the following reasons for this situation:


  • No more time-and-a-half on Bank Holiday Mondays :-( sadface.
  • Lack of steady hours :-( sadface.
  • 4k paycut for 'some' staff :-( sadface.


I've also heard 'on the grapevine' that they are >:-( angryface about poor working conditions. (Soggy nappies, half-eaten DairyLea Dunker pots, some pizza crust, a mattress, _____.)




I can neither confirm nor deny any of ^^^ those reasons - as I tend to spend the majority of my time on snarky blogspots, entertainment content farms, and pornography sites - and not zzz factual news content aggregator sites. Anyways, after a week of strike action, we now have piles of rubbish 4' deep. They scar the face of our city like splashes of acne on a spotty teen.


"I am living, 
in a Material World,
and I am a material girl.
(The material is 'fucking bullshit.)'" - A very vulnerable Haiku

Obvs I spend most of my time OTI - so this situation effects me less than Tom, Dick, or Harry who have a less-evolved online presence than I do - but even my situation is being compromised.


  • I have to walk past the rubbish.
  • Smell.
  • Seagulls / rats / plague. 


I saw a used tampon in the street.
I believe that women's hygiene products should be disposed of in an orderly fashion, much like a cat daintily burying its 'business' in a litter tray; it should be neither seen, nor heard. 

Feeling sooo confused about #binstrike.
:-( sadface.

Do the needs of the few (us) outweigh the needs of the many (bin-people) or needs the one (bin-person)? (This question is rhetorical but please feel free to share your views, y'all. The most self-aware and politically-savvy comment will win a T Shirt, which reads 'Eff Capitalism and Brussels.')

Really feel like I need to be more politically-active to resolve this issue.



From what I understand we all have rights.
The bin-people also have rights. Although they're probs less self-aware than the average iamawaitingyourereading reader or savvy, internet content-consumer >>> they have rights. Obvs I don't know any bin-people, but if I had to guess, I would say that they are 'into' the following:


  • Desktop PCs with Pentium 4 processors.
  • Short-term / high-interest loans.
  • Yahoo! Toolbar.
  • Competitive sports.
  • Paying for content from iTunes / Amazon.com.
  • Meat pies and savory snacks.


In the past Margaret Thatcher (M. Tatty) 'smashed' the unions for great justice but the bin-people said, 'No.' 

Unfortunately, I don't know if this #binstrike is something to do with ^^^ that situation. The 2 things seem like they're related.

Really need to get more politically-aware in preparation for the second half of 2013 / eventual fallout from The Eurozone Crisis and Galactic Economic Meltdown.

At the start of this post I felt like the bin-people were 'fucking assholes' for not tidying up, but now I don't know what to think. 
:-? confused face.
Might just chill on the internet until this 'effing nightmare' is over. 
#worried.


Q&A
Do you know a bin-person?
What's their situation / what do they want?
If you could go on strike for a week what TV box set would y'all watch?
Regarding multiculturalism - do you think that Asians contribute the most to our multicultural situation (due to science experiments, Manga clothes, Totoro merchandise, and their women-folk having redonkulous breast-to-ass ratio due to slender genetics)?
Which minority contributes the least?
Poland?
How should we be compensated for this outrage?
a) 1 week free Council Tax?
b) 'Murder' a politician or Fat Cat City Banker?
c) MP3s?
If it comes down to it, how should WE clean OUR streets?
a) Send all the rubbish to _____?
b) 'Push it all into the corners' like children tidying their room?
c) Fire?


CONCLUSION:
Really feel like we need to start getting organised and start 'taking names and kicking asses.' 
We need to take our collective situation to such great heights.
Our time is NOW!
We must strike back against oppression from bin-people and the government.
We must change our Facebook Status' / Profile Piccys NOW.
We must march on Town Hall (possibly playing bongos).
We must dress up in bin bags and do the Flash Mob. 
We must make sweeping statements and confrontational copy / try to link this situation to terrorism / the breakdown of traditional family values somehow.

(When I used to play Sim City and the little computer people went on strike, sometimes I just demolished their city with a volcano / UFO / miscellaneous disaster and went back to an old save point.)
Is ^^^ this the answer?
What do y'all think?

(This has been a think piece about Brighton Bin Strike 2013.)

Thursday 20 June 2013

I AM PLANNING AN INTERVENTION FOR THIS OLD DEAR.

Y'all. As y'all know, I'm constantly helping people who are less self-aware / Caucasian than we are. 
Because we spend sooo much time OTI, consuming content and cyberbulling strangers, we often lose sight of REAL problems facing REAL people. Obvs, this blogsite.com offers the YOU'RE WORLD feature which 'touches upon' these IRL issues, but sometimes we have to be even more compassionate and stage an intervention.

From what I understand an intervention takes place in the following situations:

  • Miscellaneous sitcom to challenge a character's malfunction. (Booze for Charlie - 2 and 1 Half Men, Women for Joey - Friends, and Pissypants for Frasier - Frasier / Cheers, Y'all.)
  • Domestic violence / passive aggressive relationship.
  • Jesus and The Brown Religions. 
  • Life.

Unfortunately, as I live my modern life in today's modern world I can't stop to help every Tom, Dick, and Harry, but I've found someone desperately in need of an intervention. This Old Dear down the road from me seems to be going through a midlife crisis. It's not the exciting, sexually-charged midlife crisis of a woman from Sex in the City, Sex in the Cougar Town, or some 40+ broad who spends alot of time in the gym - distancing herself from a mundane divorce and off into a life of dizzy adventure and promiscuous sex (due to rock hard abs / bottom) - it's a different kind of crisis. 
A crisis of the mind :-( sadface.

(Haven't forgotten about Croatia - just need to clear this situation up.)

This 40 something woman has the following malfunctions:

  • Plays the Dub Step music.
  • Plays the Reggae music.
  • Plays the Issues music (Korn, System of the Down, Metalicia.)
  • Lives in an 'effing dreamworld' where she never had a 20th birthday. Mentally, her parents do not understand her / will not let her go to the prom.

Does anyone know how you go about staging an intervention? 
Here is a little about me:

  • I 50% want to help and 50% want to make things worse.
  • I have no formal training in conflict resolution / teen issues.

Q&A
Do you have issues?
Do your parents / gf / bf / bff not 'get' you?
Are you having a midlife or quarterlife crisis?
Is the Dub Step music the worst music on Earth?
Is Reggae music made for spiritual lions or is it moar for sillybillys?
Do you have a slow younger brother who does 'jammin'?
Do you think that every few years we should shed our metaphorical skin (clothing / CD collection / political / social views) much like some species of lizard and start over?




What is a Pantrera?

xxxo
(3 kisses & hugs.)

Friday 7 June 2013

GTG - I AM ON HOLIDAY

Y'all. As you're well aware I'm constantly evolving my situation across a number of key areas:


  • Internet content consumption / illegal piracy.
  • LOLs.
  • Feelings (including compassion, self-awareness, and understanding).
  • Work (mad bank = putting metaphorical food on the metaphorical table).


Sometimes feel 'overwhelmed' by the adversities I face in today's modern world.
(Really thinking about writing / producing / directing a straight to DVD autobiographical circlejerk to explain my situation to Hollywood / Bollywood. MAKE them understand.
If I do 'follow through' with this brainstorm, what do y'all think I should call the film? I'm thinking about, 'Platinum Dawg.' I think that this title is a 'lil bit racial' and edgy and should cause a shitstorm with the Old Media and miscellaneous do-gooders. Wish me luck, y'all!)

Anyways, I gtg on holiday.
14 friends and I are off to sunny Croatia for a break from 'The Stupid Rat Race.' Obvs, I've never been to Croatia - as I prefer to spend the bulk of my time surfing on the World Wide Web.

Feeling excited.


Worried.
Looking at the ^^^ map I think that I'm getting dangerously close to 'The Shame of Europe,' Poland.
Defo don't want to be dragged into the Eurozone Crisis, either. Although I've done some really thorough investigative journalism into the Galactic Economic Meltdown, I don't feel informed enough about the issues / situations to completely resolve the issues / situations yet. I feel that I need at least another couple of months to formulate my solutions before I submit my findings to the Fat Cat City Bankers and 'Spineless Bureaucrats' in Brussels. 
#worried.

"Sometimes feel,
like I am living my life,
like a metaphorical Candle in the Wind." - Haiku 

At the start of this post I was feeling really optimistic about the situation, but now I'm not sure. I might need to read the Wikipedia entry on Croatia / find out wtf I'm actually staying.

Q&A
Are you Croatian?
Do they have mobile internets - and if so - are they 'fucking bullshit' like '3G' or 'E?'
Does ANYONE know where I'm staying?
Obvs, the new episode of Life is a Game of Thrones comes out this Sunday. Is it better to stream it or DL a nutritious torrent?
Were you 'a lil bit glad' when Rob Stark's Puerto Rican broad was 'murdered?'
Would you say that life as middle management in a medieval army would be:
a) Really Kewl: Loads of respect from the troops and bewbs to touch?
b) Casual: Having to tell people off but being able to come back late from lunch?
c) Really Awful: Death and / or mutilation. Not a lot of screen time?

xx
(2 kisses.)