LERN 2 INTERNET: UNDERSTANDING / IGNORING TORRENT SITE BLOCK SITUATIONS

Y'all. 
Want to get really serious with y'all for this post ]:-[ 
From what I understand, The Man / government is playing silly buggers with our basic human right to free content. Come. Let us reflect:

• The Pirate Bay
• KAT
• EZTV
• Yify-Torrent-bros
• IsoHunt situation 

Unfortunately, The Enemy wants us to pay for digital content - blocking all of ^^^ those amazing websites and many more. Much like an overweight GF going to Zumba classes, they're unwilling to accept that the ship has sailed and it's time to let go :-( sadface. 

Fortunately, Internet Scientists have come up with several countermeasures to circumvent these blocks and reconnect us with nutritious torrents.

Accepting all of ^^^ this as truth, have y'all heard about the come.in?

Due to an amazing number of internets, satellites, and proxy servers we can all once again enjoy the wonderful world of internet piracy. What will y'all DL?

Q&A

WTF is a 'Spinning Class'?

Where will this clusterfuck of prevention / circumvention end?

Do you care about the artist getting paid?

[  ] Yes. 'They are creating content and they deserve to get paid.'

[  ] No. 'Eff everything.'

[  ] I am unsure. '______.'

Realistically we (The Kids) and them (The Man) should just agree to disagree and 'call it a day' where internet piracy in concerned. (This is not a question.)

"1010011110.

Ones and Zeros.

Data containing content that I do not want to pay for.

The heart wants what the heart wants." - An Astonishing Haiku

Do you illegally DL content first, but then 'pay for it if I like it' later - or is this a lie?

xx

(2 kisses.)

PYPB - GREASY TOPKNOT HAIRCUT

(PYPB / Promoting Your Personal Brand is an informative new feature on iam___ where we investigate how to promote your personal brand, both OTI and AFK.)

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Hey y'all.
Just wondering if you've come across any individuals promoting the Greasy Topknot Haircut Personal Branding Solution? From what I understand, early adopters are embracing this haircut NOW in preparation for the 1st and 2nd quarters of 2014 (so expect extensive media coverage and mainstream acceptance this time next year).

"I wish I was more,
aware of fashions and trends.
Perfectly positioned,
to showcase my personal brand." - A Delicate Haiku

Let's examine this new trend, hmmm?

This Asian-bro completely gets it.
He is looking very mysterious (sort of like an ancient Samurai-bro, but fighting a war of the mind. (Education / textbooks / unrealistic career expectations / mounting debt - but also possible / probable erectile dysfunction situations, due to worries about education / textbooks / unrealistic career expectations / mounting debt.))


Q&A
Will you / do you support the Greasy Topknot Haircut Personal Branding Solution?
Do you violently reject its teachings <:-O ?
Are bros embracing this new trend trying too hard to be _____?
Which of the following professions could you realistically get away with this haircut without receiving a verbal warning from frustrated middle management?
a) Student studying for a miscellaneous multimedia qualification?
b) Member of band?
c) The Twitter employee?
d) Minimum wage / Christmas Temp at an exciting fashion outlet?
e) 'Performance Artist' waiting to be discovered? (He will not be discovered.)
f) Shinobi Sega Megadrive man? 
Is this trend for men only?
Is it clean?

Today has been brought to you by FASHION but also PERSONAL BRANDING.

WHAT DOES THE INTERNET MEAN TO Y'ALL?

The internet is many things to many people. To a busy Japanese businessman it's work, uploading spreadsheets to his team in Honshu. To a domestically abused housewife it's escape, trawling through Yahoo! Answers looking for advice. To a sexually confused tween it's guidance, searching for a new haircut / Arctic Monkey MP3.
To a woman in a stale relationship it's adventure - she's buying an over-sized T from ASOS. It is reasonably priced.

There's also news and amazing pornography. 

What do y'all use the internet for / what does it mean to y'all?

We all should be thankful that we live in this perfect storm of free content and cheap broadband. Rejoice! 

Q&A
How much time have you spent OTI today? (The correct answer should be at least 3 hours.)
Obviously when you're at work you 'surf the world wide web' instead of working. It's a given. Do you hide it from management who have the potential to discipline you - but not bother hiding it from middle management who have no real power over you? It's a respect thing, too. 
Wtf is 'Java'?
Do you have favorite pornographic content or are you 'always looking for something new'? (Much like primitive man hunting the Buffalo to extinction.)

In this post I've been exploring my relationship with the internet as a savvy content consumer living in the modern world.

xx (2 kisses.)

PYPB - FASHION OVER FUNCTION

(PYPB / Promoting Your Personal Brand is an informative new feature on iam___ where we investigate how to promote your personal brand, both OTI and AFK.)

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Y'all. As you're no doubt aware there are thousands if not millions of people in this amazing world that we live in. In order to increase our exposure and market share there are several steps that we need to take:

• Posting ambiguous selfies in flattering lighting.
• Harvesting MP3s from the internet. 
• Adopting fruityloop fashion accessories.

These ^^^ things separate you from the pack and make people be all like, 'OMG,' when you cross paths. Obviously, you don't need me to tell you this.

Really want to use this post to promote someone with an incredibly strong personal branding solution.

Wearing no shoes in winter / in the crowded urban environment is a bold decision; it demonstrates that you're free-spirited, rustic, and also disbelieving in BS concepts like germs or temperature. Those things are mainstream. You are free.


Q&A
How far would you place fashion over function?
a) Thick scarf / hot day combo?
b) Face tattoo?
c) Favorite sunglasses inside?
d) Tanktop / November combo?
e) Beanie hat 24/7, 365?
f) Ironic wheelchair action?
g) Tiny handbag / large inventory mismanagement?
h) High-heel / short BF combo?
i) High-heel / hill combo?
j) Sporadic prepubescent beard situation into your 20's?
Are germs real? (Seems like they could be a made up thing created by The Man so we buy Oven Cleaner and Branded Handwash Solutions.)
Is rejecting shoes a byproduct of travelling to Asia / finding yourself?
Wtf is 'Jimmy Choo'?

Remain self-aware, y'all. 
x (1 kiss.)

YOU'RE WORLD: I AM USING SELF-TAN IN OCTOBER.

(YOU'RE WORLD is an astonishing feature where we try to become more self-aware by understanding other people's situations. iam___ readers, just like you, write in and tell us about themselves. Let's see what this week's situation is, hmmm?)

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I have always been sociable.
I was popular during high school and my market share was extensive during my Beauty BTEC / Travel & Tourism BTEC / Media BTEC / miscellaneous BS college BTEC.
Unfortunately, I was unable to find work in my field straight out of education - but fuck it - everything happens for a reason. I am sure that it will be okay.

For the last 3 months I have been working at the moderately priced highstreet chain, Boots. I am excited because my probationary period is nearly over. Soon I will receive a staff discount card. (10% across the store (except for 'high-end electrics'). I will lend it to you, but you have to promise to look after it.)

I apply the fake tan to my face. 
Sunbeds / spray tan combos are for losers. Hello? It's 2013 calling. I use self-tanning moisturiser situations. The results are so real; like I've been to a miscellaneous European country on a reasonably priced holiday with my bf - leaving behind Dominos 2 4 1 Tuesdays / a stale sex life and getting lost in a dizzy adventure, sipping Sangria in Corfu. 
If leaving self-tan on for 10 mins makes it look natural, then leaving it on for 15 mins makes it look even more naturaller. 
This stuff isn't rocket surgery ;-]

People look at me in the street.
They are jealous of my personal brand.

Obviously I only tan the oval of my face; I leave my neck / forehead / ears - no one cares about that stuff.

I am looking at you. Are you looking at me?

I am just me being 'me'. It is my choice to be 'orange' in the middle of Autumn - just as it is your choice to be a 'fish-skinned shade of beige' all year round. 
We can agree to disagree.
The world keeps turning.
I am comfortable. 

I am taking selfies.

I am of above average attractiveness. I am _____.

-----

'Jesus Christ'.
Do you have any advice for this broad? Remember to offer only your most constructive feedback in the comments. (Plz no internet trollers.) Whoever offers the most self-aware and socially responsible advice will receive over 100 iamawaitingyourereading points.

Good luck, y'all!
xxx (3 kisses.)

THE GRUFFALO MURDERED ME. (A DREAM.)

Last night I had a dream that the bear-man from Where the Wild Things Are came to murder me, but after careful internet research I discovered that it was the Gruffalo.
I am aghast.

From what I understand, Gruffalo has a very approachable personal brand and is part of a popular children's franchise for children. This shocking turn of events left me feeling highly suspicious of any Gruffalo-related product or service. 

I am in the woods. I am feeling vulnerable. #getting_back_to_nature.
I understand that 'playing in the woods' is a pastime of poor people with moderate broadband speed / limited mobile internets. This is not 'me'.
I am feeling :-(
Gruffalo arrives and we skip down the mossy path. (Not gay.)
I am feeling :-)
     I really liked the film you made back in the day, I say to Gruffalo.
     "That wasn't me," he replies. "You're thinking of Where the Wild Things Are."
     I am sorry.
     "That's cool. It happens all the time, man."
Time passes and I realise that Gruffalo is not legit. Not at all. He is an adult man / moth-monster who spends all day / night with children; from what I understand this obviously makes him a peodofile. How could I have been so blind? Things deteriorate rapidly. 
     "I will kill again," says Gruffalo. 
     Oh. 
     :-(
(I did not watch his film.)


Q&A
Is Where the Wild Things Are / Gruffalo 'basically the same thing'?
Unfortunately, I've not researched the issue - but if I had to guess - I'd say that Gruffalo weighs about 400lbs. After my nightmare I armed myself with a screwdriver and checked my house for danger. Would a screwdriver protect me from Gruffalo or are we realistically looking at a shotgun / spear combo?
If you were being mercilessly hunted by a cartoon who would you choose?
a) ET?
b) Snoopy Dog?
c) Fatso Garfield Cat
d) Starscream Decepticon?
e) Miscellaneous Clever-clogs Political Cartoon?
f) Alf?
Just want to ask 1 question - is Gruffalo an abomination?

Keep safe, y'all.
xx (2 kisses.)

UNDERSTANDING THE TEACHER STRIKE

Y'all. It's that time of year when lazy treefrog public sector workers need to keep things casual. That TV series / DIY home improvement project / GTA V isn't going to finish itself, y'all. We must show delicate compassion; respecting their decision and taking our children to the cinema / bowling / lunch at a moderately priced & child-friendly restaurant. 
We only have one life. Would you waste it 'teaching utter BS to stupid little snots'? 

As savvy 20 - 30 somethings living in the modern urban environment, most of that noise doesn't concern us. Although we must always pursue the opportunity to 'cum' we must also 'make fucking sure' that mess ends up crashing against some form of contraceptive device. (Obviously - the condom, the coil, the pill, the arm implant / amazing vagina combo, or 'pulling out at the last second' / napkin combo.) 
So how does the teacher strike situation effect us / what the eff does it mean?
Continuing with our 2013 campaign to encourage understanding, we read 1 - 2 paragraphs of this BBC story and then we move on to the next meme.

"Thousands of schools are closed across much of England as teachers strike over pay, pensions and jobs." - BBC

Seems like at least 100% of teacher strikes are about ^^^ this.

Feeling sort of, "Meh," about the situation.

Feel that The Man / government and the teachers should just agree to disagree and move on.

Q&A

How far did you get through the BBC news story? (I only did a paragraph and then skimmed through. I am feeling :-) happyface because I am learning about the world / making a difference in the world.)

What is the coil?

Have you ever 'gone bareback' then worried for days / weeks after about 'pre-cum' situations? 

I left a comment saying, "Eff the Labour Party! Eff social reform situations!" What hateful nonsense did you say?

Is working for the public sector 'an amazing effing win' as you can take loads of time off illegally/ legally?

PROMOTING YOUR PERSONAL BRAND: AN INTRODUCTION

As y'all no doubt know there are billions of people in the world but only one you.
As self-aware members of the 1st World we all have a responsibility to be the best that we can be - encouraging jealousy not only in the 3rd World, but also in those 'lower down the food chain' than we are within our local community. This may seem like an intimidating task at first, but fortunately there are a number of activities which can help.
Come. Let us reflect:

• Charity bake sale. (Embracing the Cupcake Economy.)
• Nail selfies. 
• Charity funruns. 
• Temporarily leaving the 1st World to build a well / school / farm / miscellaneous social hub in the 3rd World.
• Creating, maintaining, and promoting your personal brand.

All of ^^^ these activities are excellent. They're fun to participate in - alleviating our White Guilt, but simultaneously 'keep the poor man down', as he cannot participate in these fun activities :-( sadface. From what I understand he has 3rd World Problems like eating food, clean water, and AK-47 machine gun. 

Let's get real ffs. You may think that this stuff is easy but you're fucking dead wrong.
Similarly to the mighty plains of Africa, there's also a pecking order in the modern urban environment. 
Carnivores. Herbivores. 
Are you a lion or 'just another sheep in the wall'?  

Haircut. Clothing. Accessories. Tattoos, but also body piecing / non-prescription glasses combo. MP3s. 
These ^^^ are the things that make you, 'you'. 

We're going to go through all this in an exciting new feature on iam___ called PROMOTING YOUR PERSONAL BRAND. 


Q&A
Out of 10 how would you rate your position within your local community (1 being not very good and 10 being The Cool One)?
People keep on banging on about cupcakes, but experts are starting to violently reject their teachings :-O. Accepting this as truth, which economy will collapse first - the Cupcake Economy or the Beard Economy?
Do you 'judge people for who they are on the inside' or do you 'judge a book by it's cover'?
Just want to ask 1 question really - where is Syria?

Gtg, y'all. Keep safe out there.
<3 heart symbol.

LIFE: DO YOU / ARE YOU A MILF?

Y'all. As the circle of life spins we become more self-aware; our MP3 collection becomes more refined and we become more accustomed to 'turning a blind eye' to the 3rd World :-) happyface.
However, from what I understand unless you commit to a calorie deficient diet / exercise, we also become more unattractive :-( sadface.

I am confused.
I am 'thinking about life'. 
I am thinking about the promotion of my personal brand in the crowded urban environment.
I was discussing ^^^ these situations with a platonic girl friend. Using my eyes I noticed that she was no longer a spring chicken and had evolved into a hen - a member of the bird family. She had become a milf.

Have y'all heard about milf? Y'all may remember the major motion picture One American Pie, where a young man sleeps with an older woman. She was sort of _____ looking but still very sexually active.  From what I understand, 'milf' stands for 'mother that I would like to fuck' :-O amazed-face. 

At the start of this post I was like, "Whatever," about the Milf Economy - but now I don't know what to think. Although the lack of buoyancy in the physical department could be disastrous, in theory they should know more advanced sexual shenanigans which should 'blow your effing mind, y'all.' They may also have a steady job / career situation, which hopefully won't be in a BS industry like teaching or customer service.


Q&A
Are you / your peers turning into a milf as the circle of life spins and we all grow older?
Should we embrace the Milf Economy or 'violently reject its teachings'?
Would you rather:
a) Date someone much younger - Tons of amazing sex. Both parties are very excited. "This is new. I hope my peers / parents don't 'lose their shit.'"
b) Date someone a lil younger - Loads of props from your peers and high 5's from strangers in the modern urban environment?
c) Date Someone EXACTLY the same age - Making a big deal when it comes to birthdays. "We are loling out loud because it is BOTH our birthdays today."
d) Date someone a lil older - Eating out in reasonably priced restaurants / takeaway 1 - 4 times a week. Talking about feelings. "I want to FEEL again."
e) Date someone much older - Tons of amazing sex. Miscellaneous reasonable holiday to crappy European holiday destination. 
You MUST choose one.
Has C. Cox had too much plastic surgery or should she have more?
Would you have sex with your friends Mum / Dad?
If you did, and you got caught, would you blame it on the parent saying they coerced you / raped you?
(I'd probably not have sex with my friends Mum / Dad as friendship is way too important to me.)

xxx
(3 kisses.)

IS THE BEARD ECONOMY ABOUT TO IMPLODE?

From what I understand the Beard Economy is huge atm. Men can grow them. Women like to look at / touch them. From smoking hawt broads who study for a BS degree, right through to frumpy women who middle-manage a call centre - it's a fact. 
Unfortunately, all trends decline on a long enough timeline :-( sadface.

Those 'in the know' are starting to turn on the Beard Economy and violently reject its teachings. 

As y'all no doubt remember, there was a time when ironic twiddly mustaches were all the rage. Could you imagine such an individual in today's crowded urban environment? I am aghast.
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seems 'effing retarded' in today's modern world.

Remember, YOU are accountable for your appearance / personal branding. It's not like when your parents sent you out into the crowded urban environment wearing an Adidas jacket / poor people shoe combo. You can no longer blame things on them. 
YOU are accountable for _____.

As the circle of life spins we must stay true to ourselves and our own personal branding decisions; however we must also avoid being 'that guy' and know when it's time to move on. 

"Think of yourself / your situation as a lizard. 
As the new you grows, the old you must be shed,
similar to the lizard's skin. 
Rejoice!" - Life


Q&A
Selecting from the list bellow, what's more counterproductive to your ability to create the opportunity to 'cum'?
a) Steampunk pedophile mustache?
b) Fancypants tramp beard?
c) Authentic tramp beard?
d) 'Doing a Hitler'?
e) Bass-man from band long beard? (Queens of the Stone Age / The Pantereas.)
f) Rapist spiral tash?
g) Movember in July early adopter?
h) Handsome-man post-breakup beard?
i) Plumber's Holiday beard?
j) Patchy prepubescent 20something beard?
k) Neckbeard?

Where's the line drawn between legitimate poor hygiene homeless man facial hair / cool man facial hair?

Good luck out there, y'all.

xx
(2 kisses.)

UNDERSTANDING THE ECONOMIC DOWNTURN 7 - THE OWL ECONOMY

Y'all no doubt know, the only thing that got us through those initial stages of the Eurozone Crisis was the sale of Keep Calm and Carry On merchandise. 
Mugs. Clothing. Posters. _____.
Several years later the Keep Calm and Carry On Economy is yesterday's news; these days the Owl Economy is big business - generating literally hundreds of pounds every quarter.  

Affordable owl products are sold by the kilo to middle-aged Ally McBeal-type women, but also to spunky broads riding cutesy-cutesy Zooey DeSchanel waves.

People are literally queuing up to co-brand their situation with owls.
Owls are wise - creating an impression of depth and intelligence.
Owls are also able to fly - allowing a savvy consumer to hint at a free-spirited personal brand + daydreams.

Accepting all of this as truth, let's examine some of the incredible products available to us via the Owl Economy:

Owl Pin Badge

This is a 'pocket money' item. 
Approachable but also mysterious.

Owl Coaster Set

The perfect size for a glass of Red - whether to celebrate that big promotion or just to escape from a passive-aggressive relationship / abusive husband.

Owl Jumper Situation

Absolutely ideal to mix with a kute polka-dot raaraa skirt or swirly ankle-length dress.





Owl Casual Wear 

Men can also enjoy owl products, y'all. This handsome man is wearing an owl longsleeve top. 
B-) shades-cool.

Owl Night Light

Owl night light.





There are thousands if not millions of owl products available via the Owl Economy.
Treat y'allself! ;-) confident-winking-face.


Q&A
When the Owl Economy collapses, what will be the next big thing?
a) Badgers? 
b) Inorganic and forced 70's revival?
Analysts say that you should liquidate everything and invest in Owls. Do you agree?
What does The DOW Jones stand for? 
Do you care about your personal / national dept or do you just say, "Fuck it. I am sure that it will sort itself out."

An Eagle Owl is terrifying. It grows about the size of a medicine ball and they attack foals :-O amazed-face.

1STWP: ARE SIRENS ON EMERGENCY SERVICE VEHICLES TOO LOUD?

(1st World Problems is a regular feature on iam___ where we explore the many dangers which threaten us as self-aware members of the 1st World. Let's see what today's situation is.)

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Hey, y'all. As y'all know - we must constantly be striving to improve our quality of life in the 1st World. We have a responsibility to 'show the others how it's done'. 
We must constantly:

• Exploit those less self-aware than we are to provide us with goods and services 'for the right price'.
• Avoid paying for things that we're entitled to (MP3s, utility bills, unsecured wireless networks).
• Do Flash Mobs / change our Facebook profile pictures to facilitate change.
• Do charity funruns to placate the White Guilt.

I am planning to send a strongly worded email / create an e-Petition to complain about emergency services vehicles; the unacceptable noise which they make startles me and potentially compromises my personal brand. 
Remember, you NEVER know who's watching you, analysing you, and judging you. That's a fact. Can you afford to be 'caught with your pants down' and show fear, hmmm?

Unfortunately, I have not researched the issue - but if I had to guess - I would say that the sirens are loud for the following reasons:

a) To make people notice that THIS is an emergency.

b) 'A small man syndrome'.

c) Show off.

d) Too many buddy-cop films (Lethal Weapon, K9 Police Dog, The Other Guys).
e) To cut through the noise of the modern urban environment.
f) Because it is fun.
g) Very selfish reasons.

As you're no doubt aware, we ALL have emergencies in today's modern world.
Come. Let us reflect:

• Mobile phone on low battery.
• Shop about to close.
• Late for work. "I hope middle management / management does not notice. I do not need this so close to my quarterly pay review."
• Several important things that need doing during a 1 hour lunch break.
• Extending our social network.

Who's to say who's emergency is more pressing?
OURS, as we walk from A to B trying to have a conversation on our phone ffs.
SOME OLD DEAR, who can't feel her legs.
?

Take care of y'allselves.
<3 heart symbol.

LIFE: DO YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT OR DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT?

From what I understand our amazing planet is in serious danger, y'all.
Come. Let us reflect:

• Pollution.
• Negative Vibes. 
• Greenhouse Gas Emissions.
• O Zone Layer.

All of ^^^ this BS equates to our Carbon Footprint. Fortunately, there are several ways to reduce our Carbon Footprint - ensuring that we leave a vibrant and beautiful world for our children and not some 'effing retarded' post apocalyptic wasteland, similar to the major motion picture The Road or Central Poland. 
Recycling. Planting trees. Charity funruns. We can also go and build a well in the 3rd World; this provides precious drinking water for brown people and also alleviates our White Guilt. THESE are our tools to create a better tomorrow. 

We all must do our bit and stop playing sillybuggers with Mother Nature. 

Q&A

Do you believe in Recycling or does it probably just end up in the landfill?

Which animal will we successfully drive to extinction next?

a) Giant Panda Bear?

b) Tiger? (Obviously a member of the Cat family.)

d) White Rhino Animal?

e) Miscellaneous Insect? (No one really cares about this one.)

f) Hawksbill Turtle?

Should we, as a species, stop trying to make these ^^^ amazing animals extinct and instead concentrate our efforts on rubbish animals, which deserve to be 'murdered'? (Seagulls / Wasps etc.)

Is the O Zone Layer real? It seems like it could be a made up thing.

x
(1 kiss.)

LIFE: MY CAT JUMPED OUT OF MY WINDOW. I AM THINKING ABOUT 'LIFE'

Sup, y'all.
?

As y'all no doubt know, I have a cat called Mao-Mao LOL.
Sometimes I look down at her and I'm like OMG; send a prayer up to Caucasian Jesus and the several brown religions that her and my paths crossed. We're more than just 'owner' and 'pet' - stumbling into a master / slave situation - we're in a partnership of equals

Unfortunately she jumped out of my window. I live in a top floor flat in the modern urban environment, so this did not end well. Not at all. 
This is a flow chart of her journey:

Window > 4 stories down > concrete patio.

At 1st I was like :-O amazed face and then I was like /:-/ concerned face and then I was like :-( sadface. I thought that she'd explode to the floor, similar to the helicopter in the major motion picture Black Hawk is Down, Y'all!

She's okay - just a broken leg - but geewizz it made me feel incredibly vulnerable. Now I'm thinking about 'life', and my own mortality, and my future IRL (in the modern urban environment) and OTI (in cyberspace).

Want to live each day as if it's my last.
Want to run up a mountain and say, "Yes."
Want to 'cum' with women of all nationalities / levels of attractiveness.
Want to meet a special someone with the ideal nipple to areola ratio.
Want to dance the dance of life, both in a relevant nightclub but also on railway property.
Want to stand on top of a building with a thunderous Caucasian erection. "Look," I say. "Look at me. Believe."


Q&A
On a Scale of 1 to 10 ('1' being 'Casual' and '10' being 'Complete Fucking Disaster') how serious a situation is this?
1) Casual?
2) 24 television show atom bomb detonation?
3) The Syria Situation?
4) Israel Vs Kuwait Massacre?
5) Earthquake & Tsunami combo for Japan?
6) Battle of 1066? Arrow in the eye for the King Harold '-(
7) The Millennium Bug?
8) 'Swine Flu'?
9) WWII (2)?
10) Complete Fucking Disaster?

Should I try and exploit this situation like Madeline McCain?

Today has been brought to you by animals and also gravity.

Gtg.
I am feeling vulnerable.

IS NETFLIX A LOAD OF OLD CODSWALLOP?

As you're no doubt aware it's 1 of our basic human rights to illegally download content from the internet. It truly is a victimless crime.
Come. Let us rejoice:

1) Reduces Global Warming - No physical media, booklet, or packaging to clutter up your living space in the modern urban environment.
2) Encourages / Cyberbullies the Artist - To survive in the current intergalactic economic downturn and monitise their situation they must offer us only their best MP3s. We can sample them à la Carte. We will stomach no BS or filler.
3) Revenge - We've all been wronged by The Money behind the artists. Pre-ordering, limited editions, and reissues have made us all very >:-( angryface. NOW is our time to strike back for great justice.
4) Ease of Access - Satellites > Internet > Electricity > Computer.
5) The Price is Right - £0

Accepting all of this as truth, we must take content 'as a given' and offer content creators money only on OUR terms. (Merchandise / limited edition thingy / emotional photography book / T Shirt / live experience.)

Have y'all heard of The Netflix? From what I understand, Netflix plugs into your laptop and offers you films and TV shows. 
Thought I'd give it a try in order to 'give something back'.

Pros:
Free Trial.
Easy to cancel. No 'fucking bullshit' cancellation scam.
Nice, clean interface. 

Cons:
HD streaming does not work. Not at all.
Limited selection of TV shows.
Sort of like to have a copy of the content. From what I understand Netflix only streams content and offers no files for downloading. Feel like this is unacceptable.


Q&A
Do you believe in The Netflix?
Is paying for content for lameOs and squares?
When was the last time you paid for content?
Who are these people who still pay for MP3s?
Should iTunes be bundled with Internet Explorer to offer 'the complete internet experience' to primitive internet users?

Today was brought to you by Netflix.

xxxo
(3 kisses & 1 hug.)

ARE MICRO 12.5G POUCHES OF TOBACCO LEGIT?

Hey, y'all. Let's get down to business, hmmm?
After the illegal War on Terror we, as a species, learned the following situations:

• Always question The Man.
• Automatically distrust The Old Media and antiquated authority figures.
• e-Petitions can change the world.
• 1 Flashmob in the crowded urban environment is more powerful than 10 Tomahawk Missiles in the crowded urban environment.

Seems like Uncle Tom's been up to his old tricks again; trying to feed us another line. This time round it's pouches of tobacco. 

The Man / Enemy would have us believe that these newfangled micro pouches contain as much nutritious tobacco as the normal sized ones. Obviously this a load of olds codswallop - a textbook slice of misdirection by conglomerate retailers, corrupt politician men, Fat Cat city banker-man men, and extortionate cornershop business models.  

From what I understand, these pouches are vacuum packed or something to force maximum tobacco per square inch of packaging. Unfortunately, I have not researched the issue - but if I had to guess - I would say that the tobacco companies are trying to reduce their Carbon Footprint. As y'all know we only have 1 planet and must take every step to protect it. 
That means cutting greenhouse emissions by 2018. 
That means no driving your car, unless it is an electric car. 
That means we must force China to stop pollution by 2031.  


Q&A
How the eff can we make The Man admit that these micro pouches contain about 10.5g - 11g and not 12.5g?
These pouches look a lil bit kute - do you like them?
Should the major DIY teddybear retailer, Build A Bear, jump onboard and offer these micro pouches of tobacco as accessories for delinquent teddybears?

Is giving your child a poor selection of accessories for his / her Build A Bear enabling them to grow into the future deadbeat boyfriends / single mothers of tomorrow?

Don't even smoke anymore unless it's a special occasion. 
Just sick of being lied to by mysterious illuminati-man figures.  

"I want my child,
to grow up in a world,
free from _____.
Free." - an incredibly vulnerable Haiku © 2013

<3
(Heart symbol.)

IS REGGAE DISASTROUS FOR YOUR LONGTERM PERSONAL BRANDING SOLUTION?

Y'all. As y'all know I'm constantly trying to learn more about this amazing world that we live in. 
From what I understand, dozens of nationalities make up this amazing world that we live in - each with their own individual situations. Although these situations may seem 'primitive' or strange to us, we must investigate these nationalities in the following ways:

• Exploit, dumb-down, and adapt their culture into bite-sized content suitable for the refined Western palate. (MP3s / shanty town montage music video / City of God film / Fashion situations.)
• Pursue the opportunity to 'cum' with exotic minorities. (Asians.)

Accepting all of ^^^ this as truth, have y'all heard about the Reggae music?

From what I understand, the Reggae-man is synonymous with the marijuana-man - smoking literally grams of 'wackybacky' in a single sitting. Part of me pities them as they are 'lazy treefrogs' but part of me envies them a life of Mario Kart marathons and simple carbohydrate ready meals.

As you no doubt know ^^^ that lifestyle is unsustainable on a long enough timeline, as we must all eventually grow up and stop playing sillybuggers. Therefore I am highly concerned about an adult (25+) who is 'into' the Reggae music.

Q&A

Have you co-branded your situation with Reggae?

Do you have a bf / gf / bff who's 'into' Reggae, or would you 'not be caught dead' with such a character?

There's a certain something something about a bunch of white men playing the Reggae jam. What is this 'thing'?

a) Childlike naivete?

b) Hackysack football?

c) Free-spirit situation?

d) Poor grades at GCSE level (no core subjects :-( sadface)?

e) Cheap, South American Fender Squire guitar?

Please make informed decisions when creating / maintaining your personal brand.

Know when it is time to let go of 'the old you' and start investing in 'the new you'.

xx

(2 kisses.)

SUPER ADVANCED COMICS - FINDING NEMO

(In this image the artist explores the major motion picture - Finding Nemo. The words, "I am looking for my son," and, "Why?" are exchanged. Let's see wtf the story is here hmmm?)

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Have y'all seen the major motion picture - Finding Nemo?

From what I understand, it would be 'disastrous' to lose your child / pet fish.

Q&A
Did y'all think that Nemo was 'a spoiled brat' and that, realistically, you would be better off without him / his situation?
What on Earth was up with his fruityloop fin?
Did you know that IRL if the mother Clownfish was murdered then the father Clownfish would change gender, as Clownfish are sequential hermaphrodites / homo?
(I used to work at an aquarium so ^^^ info is legit.)
Was Shark Tale a poorman's Finding Nemo?
Should DreamWorks just come to terms with the fact that they will never overtake Pixar and just try to corner the lucrative 'straight to DVD' market?