REALLY EFFING ROYAL - PRINCE HARRY 1 OF 2

(REALLY EFFING ROYAL is an amazing new iam___ feature where we investigate the Royal Family. We really want our 'brothers from another mothers' overseas to understand wtf is up with the Royal Family. Let's begin, hmmm?)

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Sup, nigs?
Today we investigate Prince Harry.

Feel like there's a lot of BS about 'The Ginger Nut' circling the internets / old media. 
Really just want to get to the bottom of it all and learn about the REAL P. Harry.

I do not understand what P. Harry's situation is /:-/ confused-face. 
I think that it might be time to get my 'big boy pants' on, 'knuckle down,' and do some serious investigative journalism.
In part 1, we investigate popular opinion of P. Happy:


POSITIVE POPULAR OPINION :-) HAPPYFACE:

• He is the Cool One from the Royal Family.
• He is sooo into socialising / party times / getting 'completely fucked up.'
• Flies the helicopter.
• Does work for charity.
• Seems pretty legit. Like you could 'have a pint' or 'cum' with him.

NEGATIVE POPULAR OPINION :-( SADFACE:

• Bit racist.
• Bit of a sillybilly.
• Slacker / general underachiever. 
• Doesn't 'fly the helicopter' or actually 'do shit' in the army / life. 
• Not as solid a meme as Princess Diana (mumsy).

Don't know wtf the truth is :-? confused-face.

I'm going to explore the internet to confirm or deny the ^^^ above situations. 

We might learn something, but probably not.

Wish me luck, niggas!

<3 heart symbol.

Q&A
If you could be king for a day would you be:
a) Pretty Chill - Helping people and being a goody2shoes?
b) Okay - Probs spend all day keeping it zzz casual. Might have a nap?
c) Not Okay - Steal things from the palace and then blame it on the staff?
d) Asshole - Sexually harass the secretary and then be all like, "Sup?"
e) Tyrant - 'Murder' someone just to feel alive. Sell noods of K. Middy to the Old Media. Sell stuff from the palace to buy drugs (marijuana cigarette, coke, smack, wizz, doping a bong). Order up some food from the kitchen and then send it back down for some 'fucking bullshit' reason. Blow all of your / the countries money on redonkulous hobbies like Bonsai Trees or Pokeman Collectible Card Game?

Don't just pick an answer at random. Remember, your choice will have very serious ramifications for the inhabitants of your kingdom.
Think really long and hard before choosing :-O amazed-face.

xx (2 kisses.)

REALLY EFFING ROYAL - KATE MIDDLETON

Sup, niggas.
?

Let's get down to business, hmmm?
Recently, Kate Middleton has been having Grade A pissypants over those nutritious photos of her 'showing the goods' last year. (Sort of feel that the royal family needs to LERN 2 INTERNET and let bygones be bygones to avoid a potential Streisand Effect - but maybe that's a situation for another day.) Anyways, I started thinking about our brothers and sisters in the USA and Canada. 
Obvs, on our 'side of the pond' we're familiar with our Royal Family and their disgusting adventures but you're probs wondering, "Who the eff is this broad?"

To this end, the dedicated iam___ team and I have created an 'exciting' new feature called REALLY EFFING ROYAL. 

Just want to help our readers overseas understand the situation and - as always - become more self-aware (and also provoke traffic, due to edgy content and Old Media baiting posts. Wish me luck, niggas :-) happyface.)

Let's start off with Kate Middleton, hmmm?

• K. Middy is the Duchess of Cambridge and wife of turtle-headed dandy Prince William, Duke of Cambridge.
• From what I understand, she is 'redonkulous pretty' but in a very natural and approachable way. (Pretty sure that if Papa Willy was Assistant Manager at PC World, and not royalty, they probs wouldn't be together - but that, too, is a situation for another day.) 
• Women want to BE her and men want to _____ her. (Sex.)

Anways, last year her 'Chelsea Buns' were photographed by some sonofabitch / pervert and splashed all over the papers / internets. 
People went 'fucking mental' :-O amazedface. 
England was split into 3:
1) Niggas who thought, "I enjoy this situation."
2) Niggas who thought, "I condemn this situation."
3) Niggas who thought, "Breasts are always welcome. Y'all need to chill the eff out."

From what I understand, KK. Middy has decided to persue the French photographer through the legal system and utterly destroy him / his situation. Reaslistically, all this is doing is dragging her (and her 'Yorkshire Puddings') back through the headlines.

Kate, if you're reading, don't stoop to their level! It's what they want.
You're so much better than that - and will be Queen Bee one day.
#stayclassykate.

I'll let you know how this situation develops, my nigs. Could be exciting opportunities to 'cum' but also opportunities to ride the Lollercoaster.

Now, let's have a brief Q & A, hmmm?
Should I spice up the title of this post and call it something confrontational like, THE QUEEN IS DEAD (EMBARRASSED) or ROYAL CRUMPET NSFW?
Is it more important to YOU to 'cum' or to LOL? (Sometimes, I'm not sure what's more important to me :-? confusedface.)
Should I 'make myself available' to the Royal Family in a purely advisory role - suggesting ways for them to manage internet cyberbulling / minimise drama OTI / basic internet 101 / advanced 1337 LERN 2 INTERNET skills?
Sort of like a digital Knight of the Realm?
Realistically, would I make the situation worse?
Do you remember Baldur's Gate II?

Did you think that Katy M's bewbs were:
a) Okay?
b) Nice size, but a bit too 'hangy' for my tastes?
c) "They are the Crown Jewels (I am LOLing out loud)." - Reporter?
d) Average?
e) "They are to Di for." - Insensitive Reporter exploiting Princess Diana meme?
f) _____?

#stayclassykate.
Our thoughts are with you, in this, your darkest hour.