LITTLE LOL: THE 'PING PONG SHOW'

Brothers. Sisters. As you know, I'm off 'travelling and shit' atm.
Also, as you know, we have a lot of lols here on iamawaitingyourereading, but sometimes it's time to talk about our feelings. 
Take a step back.
Listen to some Jeff Buckley.
Put on a lava lamp / light some incense.
Talk about our feelings.

The Thailand Ping Pong Show.
I did it.
I did it for you.
(I sort of did it for me, too.)

Ping Pong Show broad.

Tbh, I'm not sure how it made me feel.
No - I am sure how it made me feel.
It made feel sort of desolate / empty / curious / antilol / flaccid / on social safari. 

Let me break it down for you:

• 2 broads take to the stage standing up.
• They oil up their 'special place' and inner thigh.
• They tuck a ping pong ball between their thighs.
• They drop it into a pint glass.
• Think crazy golf but with more vaginas and :-( sadfaces.

I'm on a mission in these places.

Not to debase some sister and 'sex that ho' but to understand 'why?'.

I'm on a mission to find the Go-Go Girl who speaks the best English and just bro up with her.

Find out what makes her tick.

Find out her situation.

Find out 'why?'

Like The U2's, I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I can't find a satisfactory answer.

Other than it's a money thing or whatever.

There has to be more to it than that?

Maybe I'm missing something?

Maybe it is that simple?

Me on social safari.
Instead of lions, it's mostly sadfaced bros and sheros though.

Again, I spoke to a bro who 'pays for sex on the reg' last night.

(He'd actually just paid and was chilling by the bar.)

He was a Canadian guy. 50ish. Nice guy. Smart guy.

Just a bro.

I asked him straight up about it.

Why pay for it?

Why not just chill with some shero and live happily ever after?

Why?

He summed it up real succinctly. 

     "I'm just lonely," he says.

:-( sadface.

:'-( sadface with tear.

Anyways, I gtg. Sorry for the antilols, fuckers.

I'm just on social safari.

1 more night in Bangkok then I'm heading back to the islands.

I needs to get back to nature and shit.

I needs to get clean.

Miss you.

LITTLE LOL: PROSTITUTION

Brothers. Sisters. 'Not sure how I feel about prostitution.
'Not sure if this one 'gets' it.
Why would I pay a sister to make it feel good (re: touching the willy)?

'Same with the lapdance.
The strip club.
'Not sure if it's my 'scene'.
It's not my scene.

Why? Am I missing something?

Sort of feel liek a bro.
Sort of feel like our attraction should be mutual (re: a poem shared between lovers). 
If not - then, sister - what's your situation?
Who's paying who?
#confused.

I think this one would rather not pay 'for sex'.
My usual MO goes like this:
"Do you like kittens?" I say.
"Yes. (re: Thai for yes ((in this situation.))"
"Okay. Kewl," I say. "Well this one has a kitten."
"Okay. 500 Bhat."
"Sister," I reply. "Maybe something got lost in translation." (re: the major motion picture, Lost in Translation).

'Not sure if I 'get' it.
The prostitution, I means.

Maybe we could bond over music.
"What's your favourite band?"
Maybe we could bond over films and multimedia.
"What's your favourite film? Wes Anderson? Kewl."
Maybe a video game.
But - shit - any penis and vagina combination can enjoy sex. What about feelings and stuff?

I've seen the major motion picture Show Girls. Being a whore in that seemed pretty lulzy. ('Not seen Striptease, but I think it had pretty much the same message.)
IRL, not so much.

'Not sure if I 'get' it.
The prostitution, I means.

LITTLE LOL: DEXTER'S WIFE (IN DEXTER)

Just working my way through the major American television drama series, Dexter atm. 

Season 1 was pretty legit. We establish that Dexter is a bro. 
He's a serial killer - but omg - he's a forensic man, too?! 
But they normally catch serial killers not be them. 
Fuck. What a juxtaposition / conflict of interest.

Season 2 was much the same. 

Season 3 not so much. Dexter's Mrs, Rita, really starts to stink the situation up.

Season 4 I ask myself, "Why is she in the show?"
This is a major American television drama series, which we just established is about a serial killer - but omg - he's a forensic man, too.
Maybe it's to show a 'human' and 'relatable' side to Dexter's character? 
But then he has his sister for that.
Maybe he should buy a puppy?

All Rita does is bitch and moan. Just let a bro do what he has to do. That's what I 'tune in' for (re: internet piracy).
Not an hour of;
"No, Dexter."
"We need to talk, Dexter."
"Family comes first. The kids!"
"No, Dexter."
"No, Dexter."
"We need to talk, Dexter." 
"No, Dexter."
"Family comes first. The kids!"
"No, Dexter."
"No, Dexter."
"We need to talk, Dexter." 
"We need to talk, Dexter." 
"We need to talk, Dexter." 
"We need to talk, Dexter." 

Sort of feel that she needs to die now. Nothing too brutal (re: THE KIDS!!!1) but definitely a permanent and irreversible death (re: no flashbacks, no 'going on a break / an emotional reunion', and no ghost chitchats).

Maybe John Lithgow will come through (re: Trinity Murderer targets a woman with 2 kids to start the cycle. Sort of remember Rita has kids)?

Do it, John. Kill her dead.
Do it for Adam.

This one hopes so.

This one hopes so.

LITTLE LOL: THAILAND'S TRAINS

I don't know what Thai is for 'sexy bitch' but Kooky is a sexy bitch. 

Today's Little Lol is brought to you (via Thailand's trains).

Bangkok's main train station. I feel like it should be bigger.
Liek Victoria or something. 

I meet Kooky on the train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. Kooky looks like some anime cartoon came to life and learned how to use eye liner. She has short bangs which flank her face to either side. Kooky isn't her real name, of course. She has one of those half-assed, 'sort-of-in-the-right-ballpark' names, which Asians seem to adopt around Westerners.
In addition to being hawt, she also hooks this one up some work for my return to Bangkok. 
Basically, I teach 'the kids' English and shit and peel away the many layers of mystery and mistrust which cling to the 'white devil' - and in return I get to tag along with them on tours and activities. 
Seems legit.

Anyways - Thailand's Trains.
They're kind of a fucking lollercoaster.
Maybe they are the living embodiment of a lollercoaster?
It's amateur night.

In England we have a hissy fit if a train is delayed by 5mins. (I know this. I have been that guy.) 
My train was delayed by 1hour +. "We're making good time today," she says.
Sister, I don't think we are. Not at all.

You have to book the train in advance.
You cannot 'turn up on the day and hope for the best'.
If you do, you will be walking. Or worse - stuck in Bangkok. 
Oh noes.

Oh, and the journey took like 13 hours. Disgusting. 
The staff offer you food like they're testing Mars for signs of life.
Will these parameters be acceptable?
Is the test subject still responsive?
Is he actually eating that slop?

I don't even know what munch they served up. Think a stale Pot Noodle with a fig roll crushed over the top.

This one doesn't recommend it.

Anyways, tying my flag to the mast of this language school thing seems like a good idea. They have 1 tutor to 15 kids and I absolutely tower above them (via being a strong white male. Like Fred Durst).

Goodnight, the internet. I love you. <3 heart symbol.

* 'Sexy bitch' in Thai is ตัวเมียเซ็กซี่. 'Not sure how to pronounce that. Shame. Real shame.

LITTLE LOL: NIVEA WHITENING CREAM (FOR MEN)

Hullo, the internet. My names Adam and today I'd like to introduce you to an exciting new feature of iamawaitingyourereading - the Little Lol. 

Little Lol is a small fun-sized post where:

A) I can't be bothered to write a longer one. 
Or
B) I can't be bothered to write a longer one.

Today's Little Lol is brought to you by Nivea Whitening Cream (For Men). 

This is a legitimate product.
It's marketed towards Asian men. ('Not sure why women don't get to play.)
Tbh, I'm a little wtf. As a strong Caucasian man with a thunderous Caucasian penis this makes me feel a bit weird. Isn't this racist?

While we're being racist - why don't they just call it Anti-Chinky Cream (For Yellow Men)? Aren't Asians supposed to be good at computers and stuff? Can't they just Photoshop themselves whiter?

Here's one I made with no formal training.

Would you change colour?
If 'yes' - which colour?
If 'no' - why?
Should everyone just be 'happy the way they are' (unless they're ugly or fat or a gurl with small bewbs)?

Tough questions. Tough questions.

Remember you can't spell 'Caucasian' without 'Asian'.
Maybe we're moar similar than we think.
Interesting.