Sup, y'all.
?
As y'all no doubt know, I have a cat called Mao-Mao LOL.
Sometimes I look down at her and I'm like OMG; send a prayer up to Caucasian Jesus and the several brown religions that her and my paths crossed. We're more than just 'owner' and 'pet' - stumbling into a master / slave situation - we're in a partnership of equals
Unfortunately she jumped out of my window. I live in a top floor flat in the modern urban environment, so this did not end well. Not at all.
This is a flow chart of her journey:
Window > 4 stories down > concrete patio.
At 1st I was like :-O amazed face and then I was like /:-/ concerned face and then I was like :-( sadface. I thought that she'd explode to the floor, similar to the helicopter in the major motion picture Black Hawk is Down, Y'all!
She's okay - just a broken leg - but geewizz it made me feel incredibly vulnerable. Now I'm thinking about 'life', and my own mortality, and my future IRL (in the modern urban environment) and OTI (in cyberspace).
Want to live each day as if it's my last.
Want to run up a mountain and say, "Yes."
Want to 'cum' with women of all nationalities / levels of attractiveness.
Want to meet a special someone with the ideal nipple to areola ratio.
Want to dance the dance of life, both in a relevant nightclub but also on railway property.
Want to stand on top of a building with a thunderous Caucasian erection. "Look," I say. "Look at me. Believe."
Q&A
On a Scale of 1 to 10 ('1' being 'Casual' and '10' being 'Complete Fucking Disaster') how serious a situation is this?
1) Casual?
2) 24 television show atom bomb detonation?
3) The Syria Situation?
4) Israel Vs Kuwait Massacre?
5) Earthquake & Tsunami combo for Japan?
6) Battle of 1066? Arrow in the eye for the King Harold '-(
7) The Millennium Bug?
8) 'Swine Flu'?
9) WWII (2)?
10) Complete Fucking Disaster?
Should I try and exploit this situation like Madeline McCain?
Today has been brought to you by animals and also gravity.
Gtg.
I am feeling vulnerable.
Hey, y'all.
Took my cat to the vet yesterday for her annual checkup situation.
At 1st I was like :-( sadface, but after she passed with flying colours I'm now more like :-) happyface.
Of course, Mao-Mao's been born with a metaphorical Silver Spoon (due to being housed in a 1st World household). Hers is not life of crappy supermarket own-brand food and generic 'piece of shit' cat toys; she has access to only the finest yumyums, an astonishing variety of Fairtrade toys, rustic woodchip kittylitter, and - should she need it - a highspeed broadband connection that she can use to illegally download content. In many ways she lives a life, which impoverished people (from the 3rd World / Central Poland) would 'kill their own mother' for.
Feel like I need to acquire a second cat / breed Mao in preparation for the 3rd and 4th quarters of 2013.
Do y'all know any cat names?
Here's a few that the iam___ team and I have been riffing on. Please let us know your views. (The most amazing and self-aware suggestion will be awarded 10 iam__ points which can be redeemed in our online shop or at our annual conference.)
Bonqueefa.
Commander Bonqueefa.
Queen Latifah.
Cat Face.
Dog Face.
Operation Cat Face.
Megatron.
Autobot Base Metroplex.
Pino Noir.
P. Noir.
T. Stark.
Mohammed.
Dalipep Mohammed.
Dalipep Dalipep Mohammed.
Penelope Puss-Puss
Tamara Bon Marche.
Ecoute Le Bon Marche.
Bon-Bon Le Sniff.
Ecoute Le Cat.
Ecoute Le Chat (?)
Tagliatelle.
Sex Bomb.
Kittykat Cat Cat.
Queen Diamante.
Sparkling Brut.
3 Liter Box of Chardonnay.
Merlot.
Paige Putt-Putt.
LOL Cat (LOLing Out Loud Cat).
U4ER (Euphoria).
Brian Mumford (Mumford and _____).
Bert & Qubert (Co-founders of B&Q shop).
Busta Rhymes.
Q&A
Do any of ^^^ those name's seem legit to you or are they all just 'a load of old codswallop'?
Is being a vet harder than being a doctor?
(Heard that they go to super advanced vet school for longer than 'stupid head' doctors go to 'retarded' doctor school for.)
Is ^^^ that true or just a bunch of BS made up by veterinarians?
I paid about £100 to the vet - is this 'an effing ripoff'?
Might just DIY this vet malarkey from now on.
(I am excited about this exciting new challenge.)
xx (2 kisses.)
Hey, y'all.
Feeling really full of the joys of Spring / I'm drunk atm.
Thought I'd just riff about my cat in this post as things have been getting far too serious business around here recently. Let's begin hmmm?
My cat's called Mao-Mao LOL and as you can clearly see, she's fluffy and has the full package:
- 4 legs.
- Ears.
- A tail (not pictured).
She's 2 years old and I brought her from some broad I found on The Gumtree. Loads of goody2shoes' said that I should've got a rescue cat, but I just didn't think that that was for me, man. Not at all. From what I understand, a rescue cat is sort of like something that you'd find at the bottom of the bargain bin at your local crappy independent record shop / book shop / The Topshop / miscellaneous primitive dying high street business model.
Just didn't want that kind of BS in my life, you know?
Here she is again having a lil nap. Mao looks a lil bit like the Firefox fox in this photo (due to redonk tail action). Do y'all think that the creative team that invented the Firefox logo made 'mad bank,' or do you think that they were just a bunch of effing daydreamers / interns and got 'the shaft' due to poor legal representation / willingness to work for free to build their portfolio?
From what I understand, the job market is tough atm - so realistically sometimes it's like you have to lose the battle (work for free) to win the war (get a job).
Are call centre's 'fucking bullshit?'
What is THE WORST job?
a) Retail Middle Management: Having to meet targets, bust the staff's balls about a bunch of BS, team building situations?
b) Singer / Songwriter Situation: Getting sooo vulnerable on stage, spamming your friends to like your Soundcloud MP3s, thrush STD?
c) Lazy Treefrog Binman: Throwing your metaphorical toys out of the metaphorical pram about _____?
Just thinking out loud. Riffing.
Mao spends loads of time keeping it casual / looking all kewt and stuff.
Having her around enhances my situation in the following ways:
- Shows broads that I'm a sensitive, caring male / provider man.
- Entertainment (due to miscellaneous antics).
- Affection (due to miscellaneous physical contact).
- Responsibility. (Think having a Tamagotchi Pet / Pokeman Red / ChiChi Monster where the stakes are effing redonkulous high / possibility of death :-O amazed-face)
- Moral Boost. (When Mao comes into my room at 8am and gets 'all up in my grill' I know that it's going to be a simply outstanding day.)
Q&A
No Q&A today.
Just go out and keep things as real as humanly possible.
(Cyberbully at least 1 person.)
xxx
(3 kisses.)
