Y'all.
Today's the 31st of April. The Easter Sunday Situation †††.
From what I understand, blessed Jesus returned to us over 2000 years ago.
(Feeling a bit hazy on the exact situation tbh. I am wondering if we should probs feel guilty about this, as Jesus died for our sins, but it just doesn't relate to OUR situation. We are savvy content consumers living in the modern urban environment; we don't have time for _____. We're just trying to make our way in this crazy mixed up world.
If Jesus died then came back to protect torrent sites and free MP3s would you 'get onboard'?)
Can't even be effed to do a blog post about Jesus.
Today I'd like to talk to you about a very worrying situation.
Girls sporting mum jeans & baggy shirt combos.
Feeling worried <:-(
We can all agree that in addition to being facially pleasing to the eye a woman must also have a solid breast to ass ratio. (Some women are neither facially pleasing to the eye nor built with the correct breast to ass ratio - but I'd rather not talk about them. Out of sight and out of mind, hey? Like math and utility bills.)
The combined power of a pair of mum jeans and a baggy shirt situation make 'previewing the goods' near impossible.
Sort of feel like this should be illegal.
False advertising / knowingly misleading / highly problematic for a man to know whether a woman should be stored in the 'friendzone' or perhaps 'promoted' to GF / BFF.
Let's get effing real, y'all. It's important to get to know a woman - but it's also important to 'cum'.
Sort of feel that sometimes these 2 instructions are in direct conflict with one another which leads me to grow very confused. (Think turning on a Sega Mega Drive for the first time in __ years and the cartridge fails to load correctly because it's confused. Unfortunately, it's not as simple to fix as 'blowing it'.)
^^^ This is a metaphor.
"We must all take a stand,
against loose, ambiguous clothing,
draped over the frame,
of what could possibly be a hawt woman." - Public Service Announcement / Haiku © 2013
Might change my Facebook profile pic to facilitate 'change'.
Q&A
Do y'all know any women with mum jeans? (Other than y'all's actual mum?)
Should everyone just get naked so that there's no misunderstanding about _____?
Are women who wear baggy, vintage clothes 'kewl' or 'kind of shy'?
Today has been brought to you by FASHION.
You're's sincerely. x kiss symbol x
Good afternoon, the internet. I hope that you're well.
Sorry that I've been a little bit distant recently (emotionally and geographically) - I've just been busy and shit.
Travelling.
Learning.
Feeling.
'Surfing' the 'world wide web'.
You may have noticed the bold new 1080p colour scheme that I've implemented in the site?
The dedicated iamawaitingyourereading team and I just thought that it was time for a change, y'know?
Fuck.
Things have been 'crazy', man.
We successfully applied for a The National Lottery grant and were awarded 10k :-) happyface.
I'm sure you'll agree that the money's been well spent.
Not only can we all enjoy this exciting new, Web 2.0 colour scheme - I've also hired a small team of post-grads, invested in a slightly larger font, and brought a bigger internet for the blog.
(Most of the staff will be doing technical 'back of house' stuff and 'working' - but 1 of them is a hawt girl - so I'll give her BS casual jobs - like doing a coffee / Pepsi Max run, designing posters / banner ads, Tweeting, checking email, and flyering. Hopefully, she'll think that I'm a kwel boss and hopefully I can 'cum' with her.)
Might also illegally download M$ Office 20__.
Much like people / life / situations / feelings / _____ , blogs change and blogs grow. Like the 1st prehistoric fish placing the tentative hoof onto the dry land - it's just time to take the whole situation to the next level.
To evolve.
To move on ever >>>
"If one does not change,
one does not grow.
If one does not grow - one does not _____ ?" - A Philosophical Question / Haiku © 2013
Just want to take my situation onwards.
Just want to 'have a lot of fingers in a lot of pies'.
(Similar to the major motion picture, An American Pie.)
So what does this mean for our relationship as I (writer) and you (reader) and us (savvy internet users and content consumers living our lives in todays modern world)?
You may have noticed the bold new 1080p colour scheme that I've implemented in the site? Fuck. This is just one of many changes I'm riffing with.
Just experimenting.
Riffing.
The site's still going to be an emotional journey (a sort of balancing act / circlejerk between feelings and lols) still mostly split between the 2 pillars of the modern world - LIFE and LERN 2 INTERNET.
But tbh I just don't know if I can be effed with writing long puff-pieces and posts, which take moar than 3mins to read.
Sort of realised that our content consumption - as savvy internet content consumers - has changed recently. I'm sure we can all agree that there's no going back, niggas.
Fuck. Eff.
- We can't commit to an MP3 that's longer than 4.5 - 5mins.
- We can't plough through a long article, and not spam Ctrl+f to 'find' wtf it is that we're looking for.
- We demand the last 5 images of a pornographic photo set (with 'the good stuff') and cannot be effed with the 10 picture 'build up'.
- We don't like or believe in MPEGs / MP4s that we can't skim through.
But you don't need me to tell you this - let's get back on topic.
I will post some BS every day.
I will post some BS every day.
(I swear this to you on my dead mothers wings.)
It's going to be a little bit like when some nigga grows a beard and then takes a photo every day and then strings them all together in M$ Windows Media Center to create a 'snap shot' of his life / journey.
As always - we might all learn something, but probably not.
Just want - demand - the best content known to Man.
I want it NOW.
YESTERDAY.
"With so much content competing for our attention,
we cannot waste time.
I just want to download everything directly into my brain.
A bit like the major motion picture, A Matrix,
but cat pictures / noods / torrents." - A Haiku © 2013
Hopefully, this re-branding exercise will be a success - and not completely gay like Google+.
Worried.
Excited.
Anyways, gtg.
Goodnight, niggas.
<3 heart symbol.
