LIFE: DO YOU / ARE YOU A MILF?

Y'all. As the circle of life spins we become more self-aware; our MP3 collection becomes more refined and we become more accustomed to 'turning a blind eye' to the 3rd World :-) happyface.
However, from what I understand unless you commit to a calorie deficient diet / exercise, we also become more unattractive :-( sadface.

I am confused.
I am 'thinking about life'. 
I am thinking about the promotion of my personal brand in the crowded urban environment.
I was discussing ^^^ these situations with a platonic girl friend. Using my eyes I noticed that she was no longer a spring chicken and had evolved into a hen - a member of the bird family. She had become a milf.

Have y'all heard about milf? Y'all may remember the major motion picture One American Pie, where a young man sleeps with an older woman. She was sort of _____ looking but still very sexually active.  From what I understand, 'milf' stands for 'mother that I would like to fuck' :-O amazed-face. 

At the start of this post I was like, "Whatever," about the Milf Economy - but now I don't know what to think. Although the lack of buoyancy in the physical department could be disastrous, in theory they should know more advanced sexual shenanigans which should 'blow your effing mind, y'all.' They may also have a steady job / career situation, which hopefully won't be in a BS industry like teaching or customer service.


Q&A
Are you / your peers turning into a milf as the circle of life spins and we all grow older?
Should we embrace the Milf Economy or 'violently reject its teachings'?
Would you rather:
a) Date someone much younger - Tons of amazing sex. Both parties are very excited. "This is new. I hope my peers / parents don't 'lose their shit.'"
b) Date someone a lil younger - Loads of props from your peers and high 5's from strangers in the modern urban environment?
c) Date Someone EXACTLY the same age - Making a big deal when it comes to birthdays. "We are loling out loud because it is BOTH our birthdays today."
d) Date someone a lil older - Eating out in reasonably priced restaurants / takeaway 1 - 4 times a week. Talking about feelings. "I want to FEEL again."
e) Date someone much older - Tons of amazing sex. Miscellaneous reasonable holiday to crappy European holiday destination. 
You MUST choose one.
Has C. Cox had too much plastic surgery or should she have more?
Would you have sex with your friends Mum / Dad?
If you did, and you got caught, would you blame it on the parent saying they coerced you / raped you?
(I'd probably not have sex with my friends Mum / Dad as friendship is way too important to me.)

xxx
(3 kisses.)

1STWP - ARE PADDED BRAS 'FUCKING BULLSHIT?'

(1ST WORLD PROBLEMS is the astonishing regular feature from iam___. In it, we discuss REAL issues facing REAL people in an adult and candid fashion. Let's see wtf is going on, hmmm?)

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Y'all. As you know, I am constantly trying to take my social networking presence and general situation to such great heights when OTI, but I am also very interested in the opportunity to 'cum' when AFK.

Recently, I'm starting to feel really misled and confused by padded bras and other Breast Deficiency Countermeasures aka BDC. 

(Might copywrite ^^^ this acronym so plz don't steal :-) happyface.)

Worried.

Worried about being 'let down' by this 'fucking bullshit' when I get to see what lies beneath, similarly to the major motion picture, What Lies Beneath. 

Don't want to cause a scene / rock the boat / 'be that guy' - but also need to stay true to my beliefs.

As you know, I'm constantly emailing / cyberbulling my local MP with helpful suggestions, gentle reprimands, and proposals for sweeping change to local and national legislation. I'm also really active on several politics forums and I'm also kind of a big deal in the ePetition scene. 

Do you think that it's 'high effing time' to reallocate funds from boring stuff (like maths, science, and PE) and redirect the money towards mandatory bewb jobs?

Can't bear the thought of some broad staring into the mirror with a bra full of lies staring back at her /:-/ compassionate-face.

Obvs, a small-breasted woman is not without her charms. From what I understand, there's a certain 'je ne sais quoi' about every woman. Each one's a petal drifting down from the tree of life.

Sometimes feel 'completely chuffing overwhelmed' by the beauty of it all.

Sometimes feel like, "OMG."

07/04/2013 - THE IDEAL NIPPLE TO AREOLA RATIO

As self-aware content consumers living our lives both OTI and IRL / AFK, we must always be striving to solidify our situation.

We must:

• Undermine middle-management and co-workers we dislike.
• Cyberbully others we meet online, who we suspect are less technically proficient / self-aware than us.
• Illegally download torrents.
• 'Learn stuff'.

Of course, you don't need me to tell you this.

Today, I think it's 'fucking high time' we learn some stuff.

From what I understand, breasts are serious business; girls want to have them (to be popular / liked), and men want to touch them (to 'cum'). 

Sort of feel like we don't really understand them.

For example, we all know how much 'meat' should be in a Subway BMT - but does anyone know how much areola should frame the nipple on a breast?

Some peace-and-love kind of niggas will say, "It's all down to an individual's personal taste, man."

As we know - this is completely incorrect. Dangerously so. Diversity is destroying us. We (as a species) must all agree on a subject as one and then brutally 'stamp out' any conflicting opinions. 

Just want everyone to put their weapons down and get along ffs.

"Give peace a chance, niggas." - Seems like something John Lennon would say? Not sure :-( sadface.

Just think we need a solid formula to calculate the breast to areola ratio. 

As you know, I'm not a scientist, but I think the formula should sort of look like this:

 (   ) + ( . ) / ( ? ) = ( o )

(   ) = bewb size

( . ) = nipple size

( ? ) = random shit, like piercings / ethnicity / fake bewb, etc

( o ) = areola size
(bewb size + nipple size / random shit = areola size)

Does this look 'right' to you? I'm just trying to sort this situation out.

Do you reckon that I'll be able to secure The National Lottery funding for this project? Be honest?

Do you prefer small bewbs or large ones?

Realistically, is 'anything more than a handful a waste'?

Are you a scientist / mathematician willing to help me - and if so - do you look like Denise Richards in The World Is Simply Not Enough (For J. Bond)  or moar like some pharmacist in Boots?
What are 'puff-nips'?

Gtg.

<3 heart symbol