LERN 2 INTERNET: TORRENT SITE PROXIES

If you’re anything like me then you’ll defo have your eyes on this Autumns hottest digital releases. If you're anything like me then, unfortunately, you’ll have no intention of paying for them. As we’ve discussed several times before internet piracy truly is a victimless crime, delivering tons of content onto our storage devices via satellites and wires. Come, let’s reflect:

• Forces the content creator to release only their most relevant content. Gone are the days of nurturing / supporting the artist. We demand 1-3 products immediately, offering payment only in exchange for a show within a manageable distance and monetary reward on our terms. 
• Conservation. As y’all know, we only have 1 planet and have to do anything we can to protect it from negative vibes and pollution; from studying a local bee population to dropping an atom bomb on India if they fail to meet their greenhouse gas emission targets. Internet piracy saves the rainforests as digital distribution platforms do away with traditional packaging. 
• Balances the equation of life. Obviously The Man is constantly trying to keep us down :-[ (Council tax, VAT 20%, not policing simple carbohydrate ready meal availability, minimum wage sillybuggers, and an effing redonk understaffed NHS.)  In order to bring the situation back into balance we must illegally download content to boost our morale.

Accepting all of this as truth we have to do whatever we can to circumvent torrent site blocks. We owe it to ourselves. Here’s some proxy addresses:

Kick Ass Torrents
Pirate Bay
YTS


Q&A
Is VAT ‘complete fucking bullshit’?
How many gigabytes of content to you illegally download a week?
a) 1?
b) 10? 
c) “I honestly have no idea. Like 50+?”
Have you ever received a passive aggressive cease and desist letter from your ISP? 
Do you download content ‘to try it out first & then if I like it, I buy it’ or is that simply untrue?

xxx
(3 kisses.)

BLOG SEASON IS UPON US. REJOICE!

Y'all!
How've y'all been? Missed y'all. 

As the circle of life spins we lose the heat of the summer sun and return back to our bedrooms / mobile devices. It's time to turn our eyes inwards and violently reject the outside world.
It's getting cold out there, man.
Windy, too. 

Over the next couple of months I propose the following situations to blog about. Some are classic iamawaitingyourereading. Others are new.

2 MINUTE INVESTIGATIONS 
In this feature I really want to learn more about this amazing world that we live in. Unfortunately, as self aware content consumers living in the modern urban environment, we spend so much time OTI that it's easy to 'feel sort of whatevs about geography and other cultures' IRL. I'd like to learn more about serious world situations - like the Gaza Strip situation, the African Flu Pandemic situation, and what glass is.

UNDERSTANDING THE ECONOMIC DOWNTURN
It's time to get real and knuckle down, man. No more sillybuggers. That's right, I'm talking about our ongoing understanding of The Galactic Economic Downturn. Over the last few months things have got redonk totes cray cray in the Eurozone. How many rallys have you been to? I've been to loads. (I haven't been to any.) 

LERN 2 INTERNET  
Some of the worlds poorest people don't live in Mozambique, Sudan, miscelaneous brown country, or Central Poland - they live right here among us :-[ sadface. I'm talking about Internet Poverty, y'all. 
People who don't know how to circumvent torrent site blocks.
People unsure about where to harvest their free MP3s. 
People out there who still pay for digital content. 
'Jesus Christ' lets make a #change. 

30_SOMETHING
Want to get vulnerable with you all for this section :-/ serious face. 
This year I'll be 32. I look around at my situation / the situation of my bros and say, "What the eff does it all mean?" In this feature I propose we investigate our feelings about growing older. We can have a circlejerk and discuss our emotions in a mature and safe environment. There'll be no judgement but there will judgement obviously. 

1ST WORLD PROBLEMS
Obviously, 1STWP returns for another season. Often the dramas we face as technologically savvy content consumers living our lives in the 1st World can seem insurmountable. If your £4 coffee is too hot or your Fair Trade OJ is too cold, worry not, we've got it covered. (y) thumbs_up_symbol.

LIFE
In order to become even more self aware we'll continue to look at this amazing world that we live in and our place in it. Are you 'Big Chief Swinging Dick' or 'Just Another Bro' who works in some call centre / miscellaneous minimum wage job? What have you done with your life? 
Sometimes it feels like you're trying to organise a binbag full of cats. 
Sometimes it feels like you're trying to create an opportunity to 'cum'. 
It's just life, y'all. 

Q&A
What was the highlight of your summer?
What was the lowlight of your summer?
How would you rate 2014 out of 10, where 1 is 'A flaccid penis' and 10 is '1 million pounds'? Or is it just too early to say, hmmm?

xx
(2 kisses.)

LERN 2 INTERNET: UNDERSTANDING / IGNORING TORRENT SITE BLOCK SITUATIONS

Y'all. 
Want to get really serious with y'all for this post ]:-[ 
From what I understand, The Man / government is playing silly buggers with our basic human right to free content. Come. Let us reflect:

• The Pirate Bay
• KAT
• EZTV
• Yify-Torrent-bros
• IsoHunt situation 

Unfortunately, The Enemy wants us to pay for digital content - blocking all of ^^^ those amazing websites and many more. Much like an overweight GF going to Zumba classes, they're unwilling to accept that the ship has sailed and it's time to let go :-( sadface. 

Fortunately, Internet Scientists have come up with several countermeasures to circumvent these blocks and reconnect us with nutritious torrents.

Accepting all of ^^^ this as truth, have y'all heard about the come.in?

Due to an amazing number of internets, satellites, and proxy servers we can all once again enjoy the wonderful world of internet piracy. What will y'all DL?

Q&A

WTF is a 'Spinning Class'?

Where will this clusterfuck of prevention / circumvention end?

Do you care about the artist getting paid?

[  ] Yes. 'They are creating content and they deserve to get paid.'

[  ] No. 'Eff everything.'

[  ] I am unsure. '______.'

Realistically we (The Kids) and them (The Man) should just agree to disagree and 'call it a day' where internet piracy in concerned. (This is not a question.)

"1010011110.

Ones and Zeros.

Data containing content that I do not want to pay for.

The heart wants what the heart wants." - An Astonishing Haiku

Do you illegally DL content first, but then 'pay for it if I like it' later - or is this a lie?

xx

(2 kisses.)

WHAT DOES THE INTERNET MEAN TO Y'ALL?

The internet is many things to many people. To a busy Japanese businessman it's work, uploading spreadsheets to his team in Honshu. To a domestically abused housewife it's escape, trawling through Yahoo! Answers looking for advice. To a sexually confused tween it's guidance, searching for a new haircut / Arctic Monkey MP3.
To a woman in a stale relationship it's adventure - she's buying an over-sized T from ASOS. It is reasonably priced.

There's also news and amazing pornography. 

What do y'all use the internet for / what does it mean to y'all?

We all should be thankful that we live in this perfect storm of free content and cheap broadband. Rejoice! 

Q&A
How much time have you spent OTI today? (The correct answer should be at least 3 hours.)
Obviously when you're at work you 'surf the world wide web' instead of working. It's a given. Do you hide it from management who have the potential to discipline you - but not bother hiding it from middle management who have no real power over you? It's a respect thing, too. 
Wtf is 'Java'?
Do you have favorite pornographic content or are you 'always looking for something new'? (Much like primitive man hunting the Buffalo to extinction.)

In this post I've been exploring my relationship with the internet as a savvy content consumer living in the modern world.

xx (2 kisses.)

IS NETFLIX A LOAD OF OLD CODSWALLOP?

As you're no doubt aware it's 1 of our basic human rights to illegally download content from the internet. It truly is a victimless crime.
Come. Let us rejoice:

1) Reduces Global Warming - No physical media, booklet, or packaging to clutter up your living space in the modern urban environment.
2) Encourages / Cyberbullies the Artist - To survive in the current intergalactic economic downturn and monitise their situation they must offer us only their best MP3s. We can sample them à la Carte. We will stomach no BS or filler.
3) Revenge - We've all been wronged by The Money behind the artists. Pre-ordering, limited editions, and reissues have made us all very >:-( angryface. NOW is our time to strike back for great justice.
4) Ease of Access - Satellites > Internet > Electricity > Computer.
5) The Price is Right - £0

Accepting all of this as truth, we must take content 'as a given' and offer content creators money only on OUR terms. (Merchandise / limited edition thingy / emotional photography book / T Shirt / live experience.)

Have y'all heard of The Netflix? From what I understand, Netflix plugs into your laptop and offers you films and TV shows. 
Thought I'd give it a try in order to 'give something back'.

Pros:
Free Trial.
Easy to cancel. No 'fucking bullshit' cancellation scam.
Nice, clean interface. 

Cons:
HD streaming does not work. Not at all.
Limited selection of TV shows.
Sort of like to have a copy of the content. From what I understand Netflix only streams content and offers no files for downloading. Feel like this is unacceptable.


Q&A
Do you believe in The Netflix?
Is paying for content for lameOs and squares?
When was the last time you paid for content?
Who are these people who still pay for MP3s?
Should iTunes be bundled with Internet Explorer to offer 'the complete internet experience' to primitive internet users?

Today was brought to you by Netflix.

xxxo
(3 kisses & 1 hug.)

IN TODAY'S TOUGH MP3 ECONOMY, DOES HAVING A FRONTWOMAN = MAD BANK? PT 2

(This is Part 2 of a 2 Part Think Piece about monetising a band situation.)

Sup, y'all.
?
You may remember this post where we investigated the current MP3 economy in today's modern world. Bands trying to promote a new product for our consumption must do whatever it takes to get THEIR MP3 onto OUR MP3 playing device. 
From what I understand, 'sex sells'; but is this also true of the music industry? Let's not forget that most record labels currently have an annual turnover of between £50 to £100 per annum - if at all - so 'no stone can be left unturned' in the search for money. 
Let's continue, hmmm?

ALL GIRL LINE UP:
(Haim.)
Obviously this act cannot be taken seriously and will forever be judged upon their wardrobe, their attractiveness, and the content of their bras over their MP3s.

1 GUY / ALL GIRL LINE UP: 
(The Hole.)
This situation is very similar to the G&R situation in that it's mainly 'The Courtney <3 Show'. Not sure whether to feel envious or 'glad' that I'm not the 1 guy. #worried.  

GIRL MAJORITY:
(S Club 7.)
Sort of feel that this is a 'scattergun' approach - trying to cover as many bases / tween demographics as possible. (I would like to 'cum' with Tina 7.)

BOY MAJORITY:
(Fleetwood Mac.)
In many ways Papa Mac transcends the traditional gender divide by having several members married to one another. Is this the optimum situation?

1 GIRL / ALL GUY LINE UP:
((Local band) Hero.)
In many ways this is 'The Golden Ticket'. Women can project themselves into the situation ("That could be me.") and men can enjoy #erection.  

ALL BRO LINE UP:
(90% of bands.)
This is 'the meat and 2 veg'. Traditional all-male bands are 'the backbone' of our MP3 economy. Unfortunately, it can be confusing to know which product is which (due to saturation). 
Last night, there were x3 all-male bands; I can't remember any of their names. 
I think one had a number in? :-( sadface. 

Q&A
Which broad from S Club 7 made YOUR special place FEEL?
Should all-male bands outsource some of their touring duties (backing vocals / tambourine / merchandise stand situation) to a woman in order to increase market share?
Should women be allowed to create MP3s or is this the responsibility of men?

CONCLUSION:

We can all agree that online piracy is a victimless crime.
We all have needs, wants, and basic human rights which must be accommodated. MP3s - although not vital to our survival like a stable broadband connection or food - are very important to our survival in today's modern world.
It is completely unacceptable for bands to expect payment in exchange for MP3s; instead they must offer us only their cleanest MP3s so that we may consume them 'a la carte' / Tapas.
Bands must try to monetise their situation by lucrative sponsorship deals / T Shirt sales / fancypants vinyl EP / limited edition trinket.

Women contribute lots to our MP3 economy. 
Come. Let us rejoice:

• Posters to hang in tween bedrooms.
• Emotive vocals (possibly delivered in a whispy, raspy tone or through the reverb machine. These sounds can take us all away from our mundane lives in the cotton fields 'stocking shelves at Tesco' - to a cabin retreat in the Mountains of Idaho, cuddling on a bearskin rug and discussing the very serious situations in Darfur / Afghanistan war).

(This has been Part 2 of a 2 Part Think Piece about monetising a band situation.)

Take care of y'allselves.

<3 heart symbol.

IN TODAY'S TOUGH MP3 ECONOMY DOES HAVING A FRONTWOMAN = MAD BANK? PT 1

Y'all. As you know I spend the majority of my time OTI.
Recently I went to a relevant gig across town in order to support my local scene and hobnob with fellow MP3 consumers in a relevant environment. 

In today's social-economic situation we all have to 'make cut backs'. From what I understand, there are several 'fucking bullshit' products and services which are the first to go.
Come. Let us reflect:

• Water / Sewage Bills - "Unfortunately, I have not received your invoice. I fully intend to pay. (I will not pay.)"
• Fairtrade Goods and Services - "I cannot be effed to spend an extra 20pence on eggs. Although I enjoy the 'idea' of Free Range hens - I am unwilling to foot the extra cost. They are on their own."
• Charitable Donations - "Sorry, y'all - I have no £££ :-( sadface."
• Primitive Highstreet Business Models - "Eff Woolworths. Eff The HMV. Eff 'The Local Pub'. I am tightening my belt."

As demand for ^^^ these goods and services decline, demand for additional goods and services rise.

Come. Let us rejoice:

• Nutritious Torrents - "I will download this album. If the MP3s are adequate I will definitely buy the CD. (I will not by the CD.)"
• (And of course) The Opportunity to Arouse the Possibility to 'Cum' - "The best things in life are free."

Accepting all of this as truth, we must show delicate compassion to the artists / musicians who create content / MP3s.

(This is Part 1 of a 2 Part Think Piece about monetising a band situation.)

There's so much content in the world; we must always be 'on our guard' and skeptical of new products. Allowing a new MP3 into our modern lives / hard drive can be a traumatic experience /:-/ concerned-face. As the Circle of Life spins we must evolve defenses against the many dangers we face, as savvy content consumers in the 1st World. One of the most powerful defense mechanisms we've evolved is the power to 'judge a book by its cover'.

This saves us both time and vital street credibility in the face of our peers IRL and anonymous 'internet trollers' OTI.

Band name. Haircut situations. Press photos. 

Only when the ^^^ above criteria has been satisfactorily resolved can we 'take a chance' on downloading a song.
The last thing any of us want is a 'disasterous' recommendation by Last.fm or The Spotify, sending us on a wild goose chase after a similar product.

"I have been burned,
too many times,
by BS recommendations on similar acts.
I can / will only trust myself." - Haiku rejecting circlejerk MP3 sites

Obviously, the majority of MP3s are consumed by males, so a band / musician's situation must be tailored to men.

To this end, the dedicated iam___ team will investigate several lineups to find the ideal bro / broad ratio.

'Tune in' tomorrow for our findings.

(This has been Part 1 of a 2 Part Think Piece about monetising a band situation.)

Q&A
What's your <3 favourite MP3?
Do your prefer women in bands to 'go completely effing mental' badmouthing an old BF / GF / BFF  - or 'get a lil vulnerable' singing about global warming / deforestation situations / feelings?
Do you know any bands / are you a band who should be investigated?
Why are Haim so angry all the time?
I think that the ^^^ base guitar player would 'snap my shit up' / utterly destroy my special place, but what do Y'ALL think?

Does Regine from Arcade Fire take the band's situation to such great heights or are they just sort of carrying her (due to marital commitments)?

xxo (2 kisses & 1 hug.)

WOULD YOU LET A STRANGER BORROW YOUR MOBILE PHONE OR WOULD YOU TELL THEM TO EFF OFF?

Hey, y'all. 
From what I understand, our mobile phone's are one of the most important pieces of technology in our collection. It's sort of like a timecapsule which is constantly being updated (due to MicroSD card, USB Sync, and software updates). It contains most of the content which makes you, 'you'.
Let us rejoice:

• Peer group and social standing (Phonebook). 
• MP3s (MP3 player).
• Your level of technological and self-awareness (Apps).
• Relationship situation (Sexting and neutritous noods from GF or BF).
• Financial situation (Owning a fancypants HTC / iPhone or a 'piece of shit' Nokia / Blackberry).

Accepting all of this as truth, are you willing to play 'Russian roulette' with your mobile handset by lending it to a stranger?

/:-/ compassionate-face

Although we can all agree that stealing content OTI is a victimless crime, unfortunately there are shady individuals who steal and commit miscellaneous crime IRL.

All of ^^^ this went through my mind when this broad came up to me and asked to borrow my mobile.

She was a lil Asian thing; approachable but also mysterious. Although I was interested in the opportunity to 'cum', my kneejerk reaction was to tell her, "No. My phone's out of battery."

(This was, of course, a lie.)

Q&A

What would you've done?

Do you believe in helping other people or is that mostly for squares and lameOs?

Are you on Pay as You Go or is that mostly for the homeless?

Do you care about Identity Theft or is it all just a 'bunch of bullshit' cooked up by the Old Media to scare _____?

Was the major motion picture Swordfish based on a true story?

1STWP: IS IRONMAN A 'FUCKING ASSHOLE'?

(1st World Problems is a regular feature on iam___ where we explore the many dangers which threaten us as self-aware members of the 1st World. Let's see what today's situation is.)

-----

Hey, y'all.
Just watching the previous 2 Ironman films atm in preparation for when a decent torrent of Ironman 3 becomes available so that I can DL it and watch it illegally. 

From what I understand, Ironman is The Cool One from the Avengers team of advanced superhero friends. He is worth literally tens of thousands of US Dollars and lives a decadent, playboy lifestyle: 

• Keeping it casual in some of the worlds most amazing cars.
• Surrounding himself with glamorous women / 'Grade A pieces of ass'.
• Buying expensive presents / making passive-aggressive demands for sex. 
• Private aeroplane.
• Hobnobbing with celebs and smoking cigars.

Unfortunately, I am unfamiliar with the majority of ^^^ those activities and am sadly priced-out of enjoying them, so I have no choice but to utterly condemn Ironman (due to jealousy).  

Feeling really apathetic about my quality of life.
Feeling like I live in the 3rd World in conditions similar to those of an animal when compared to T. Stark / Robert Downey Jr.

Is it too late to go to university to study Business Studies?

Lets take our mind of things with a brief Q&A hmmm?

If you could be any superhero for a day / the rest of your life who would y'all chose? 

Check your answer against what it says about you below: 

Captain America: You are a goody2shoes and probs middle management at a call centre / miscellaneous retail outlet. 

Batman: You are mysterious but also approachable and trustworthy. You 'get shit done' and don't give an eff about authority or The Man.

Hulk: You have low body confidence :-( sadface.  

Green Lantern Man: You are constantly 'on the go' striving to be the best that you can be. (Dozens of abdominal exercises and L'Oreal moisuriser.)

Ironman: 'Fucking asshole'.

Spiderman: You are playful, self-confident, and self-aware. Although you enjoy internet pornography, it is mostly harmless / light bondage.

Thor: You have seen the major motion picture - The Matrix around 4 times. You spend sooo much time OTI arguing about 'complete fucking bullshit'.

The Superman: Ugh. You probably do not know a lot about comics. You prefer Smallville 2000 to The Amazing Lois and Clark Adventures 1990.

Wonderwoman: You are The Cool Broad at work. You are 'down' with going to stripclubs and posting vague status' / melancholy selfies. 

Wolverine: You are a clevercloggs kind of shrew, explaining how technically mutants are not superheroes and then looking smug. You will have back hair.

Bonus Q&A

Does anyone know wtf happened to Teri Hatcher's bewbs after the mid 1990's? 

I am aghast.

RETRO SITUATIONS - ARE OLD VIDEO GAMES GOOD OR 'FUCKING BULLSHIT?'

Sort of feeling nostalgic for 'the good old days' of video gaming.
Come, let us reflect:

• We had traditional family values. 
• No DLC BS.
• Original IPs (and not endless 'gritty' reboots, sequels, prequels miscellaneous publishing / development sillybuggers, 'bonus content' (which was built into the original code), 'fucking bullshit' collectors edition / art book / fancypants case / soundtrack CD / Mobile App / superduper digital weapon / make believe amour / overpowered miscellaneous accessory / very fast horse / texture re-colour / forum access / soft toy situation / little plastic figurine nigga / _____).
• None of this endless patch and post-release update BS.

Feeling really angry now >:-( angryface. 
(Going to have to sit down for a bit.)

Maybe I'm looking back with 'the rose tinted glasses?' Maybe it was all 'fucking bullshit' back then, too? 
Obvs, there have been substantial improvements to our modern lives in the modern world. We enjoy technological wonders that our primitive-selves (around the mid-90s and early 00s) could only effing dream of. 
Come let us rejoice:

• Ecksbawks 360.
• Broadband.
• Medicine.
• Self-awareness.
• 'Fucking amazing' mobile phone handsets. 
• Cyberbullying.
• The ability to stream 'fucking amazing' nutritious pornography.
• Bewb jobs.
• Social networking situations.

Sort of feel 'completely overwhelmed' at times - with 'life' - but also with video games.

Sort of feel that I'm being left behind. (Metaphor.)

Sort of feel like there's so many graphics, so many AI, so many polygons, so many DRM BS, so many FPS reboots of 'classic franchises which effing suck - I can't even keep up sometimes :-? confused-face.

Sort of need to take metaphorical a step back. (Metaphor.) 

I've been playing a lot of retro computer games atm; games that my old desktop PC would struggle with (just so many graphics) my little Notebook laptop 'completely shits on.'

(Don't really like the potty humour. Just feel 'really strongly' about this situation.)

Anyways, I've been ummming and ahhhing about dusting off some old titles and playing them. (Didn't even need to pirate the content as I'd brought the CDs back in those dark days before torrents. I just want to recycle to make a diff.)

"Recycle!

Save the polar bears.

Do not waste our Earth's natural resources.

Recycle ffs!" - Haiku © 2013

iam___ might make this a new feature.

If you are interested in this new feature, please fill in the blanks below:

[   ] Yes.

[   ] No.

[   ] Not sure / don't care.

Why? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Just write on your monitor / screen, and then take a screenshot, and then send the screenshot to the Email, niggas.)

Going to 'have a look' at one of these RETRO SITUATIONS today and then see what the situation is tmw.

Keep it really, really real until next we meet, my nigs.

(Really starting to like you. I hope you like me too.)

xxx (3 kisses.)

REALLY EFFING ROYAL - KATE MIDDLETON

Sup, niggas.
?

Let's get down to business, hmmm?
Recently, Kate Middleton has been having Grade A pissypants over those nutritious photos of her 'showing the goods' last year. (Sort of feel that the royal family needs to LERN 2 INTERNET and let bygones be bygones to avoid a potential Streisand Effect - but maybe that's a situation for another day.) Anyways, I started thinking about our brothers and sisters in the USA and Canada. 
Obvs, on our 'side of the pond' we're familiar with our Royal Family and their disgusting adventures but you're probs wondering, "Who the eff is this broad?"

To this end, the dedicated iam___ team and I have created an 'exciting' new feature called REALLY EFFING ROYAL. 

Just want to help our readers overseas understand the situation and - as always - become more self-aware (and also provoke traffic, due to edgy content and Old Media baiting posts. Wish me luck, niggas :-) happyface.)

Let's start off with Kate Middleton, hmmm?

• K. Middy is the Duchess of Cambridge and wife of turtle-headed dandy Prince William, Duke of Cambridge.
• From what I understand, she is 'redonkulous pretty' but in a very natural and approachable way. (Pretty sure that if Papa Willy was Assistant Manager at PC World, and not royalty, they probs wouldn't be together - but that, too, is a situation for another day.) 
• Women want to BE her and men want to _____ her. (Sex.)

Anways, last year her 'Chelsea Buns' were photographed by some sonofabitch / pervert and splashed all over the papers / internets. 
People went 'fucking mental' :-O amazedface. 
England was split into 3:
1) Niggas who thought, "I enjoy this situation."
2) Niggas who thought, "I condemn this situation."
3) Niggas who thought, "Breasts are always welcome. Y'all need to chill the eff out."

From what I understand, KK. Middy has decided to persue the French photographer through the legal system and utterly destroy him / his situation. Reaslistically, all this is doing is dragging her (and her 'Yorkshire Puddings') back through the headlines.

Kate, if you're reading, don't stoop to their level! It's what they want.
You're so much better than that - and will be Queen Bee one day.
#stayclassykate.

I'll let you know how this situation develops, my nigs. Could be exciting opportunities to 'cum' but also opportunities to ride the Lollercoaster.

Now, let's have a brief Q & A, hmmm?
Should I spice up the title of this post and call it something confrontational like, THE QUEEN IS DEAD (EMBARRASSED) or ROYAL CRUMPET NSFW?
Is it more important to YOU to 'cum' or to LOL? (Sometimes, I'm not sure what's more important to me :-? confusedface.)
Should I 'make myself available' to the Royal Family in a purely advisory role - suggesting ways for them to manage internet cyberbulling / minimise drama OTI / basic internet 101 / advanced 1337 LERN 2 INTERNET skills?
Sort of like a digital Knight of the Realm?
Realistically, would I make the situation worse?
Do you remember Baldur's Gate II?

Did you think that Katy M's bewbs were:
a) Okay?
b) Nice size, but a bit too 'hangy' for my tastes?
c) "They are the Crown Jewels (I am LOLing out loud)." - Reporter?
d) Average?
e) "They are to Di for." - Insensitive Reporter exploiting Princess Diana meme?
f) _____?

#stayclassykate.
Our thoughts are with you, in this, your darkest hour.

HMV LIMPS ON. IS IT TIME FOR A 'MERCY KILLING'?

I 'came' across this story, detailing the latest shameful adventures of entertainment antique dealer HMV (His Master Voice).

From what I understand, HMV sells CDs, DVDs, Blu-rays, Ecksbawks 360 games, and other loosely related bric-a-brac. I say 'sells' but I think that you're a savvy-enough internet user to know that they probs don't 'sell many units' - due to the wonderful world of online piracy.
(Not that we'd know anything about that - right, niggas?)

;-) winking-confident-face 

"In order to remain in business we must diversify.
We must do literally anything to make £££." - Company News Letter

"Give a man a HMV giftcard. 
He will buy something.
Give a man uncapped broadband (from an ISP that doesn't send pissypants copywrite infringement letters) and he will DL.
Everything." - A Haiku © 2013  

HMV's been 'an effing disgrace' to highstreets everywhere for years now. 

They're really on the ropes :-( sadface.

Sort of feel like we need to take the final push and put the HMV out of its misery.

Metaphorically 'put it out to pasture'. 

Metaphorically 'unplug the life support'.

Metaphorically _____.

Sort of feel that HMV and other primitive highstreet entertainment business models have been 'playing sillybuggers' with my wallet for years. (Selling me the same content over and over again with diff format / bonus disk / stoopid concept art book / plastic crappy collectible figurine nigga / fancypants packaging / soundtrack CD / superduper box set situation.)
Sort of feel that NOW is the time to strike back for great justice. 
We must utterly destroy them. 
But we must also show delicate compassion.  

What do YOU think the best way to do this is? 

• Bargain Bin Tax? 
• Some sort of thing where we all lay down in the doorway and block the entrance? We could call it Surround Sound Day?
• Annual Anti-Record Store Day? (On this day - we don't even go into music shops to browse new releases / Soundhound MP3s / plan our torrent activity for later - we just boycott them entirely.)
• Throw things?
• 'Hurtful' language?
• Premeditated and inorganic social media campaign? 
• Take our CDs, DVDs, Blu-rays back and DEMAND refunds >>> empty the tills? 

"You had your time, 

you had the power.

You've yet to have your finest hour." - Queens

Gtg. I'm going to check the latest releases / browse the 'golden oldies' to see if anything 'leaps off of the shelves at me'. (This is for unrelated market research and absolutely nothing to do with my p2p activity for later this evening.) 
;-) winking-confident-face 
:-) happyface
xxx (3 kisses.)

FACEBAWKS SAYS 'SEND GIFT'

I'm sure we can all agree that Facebook makes effing 'stacks of cheddar' (<<< that's rap speak for 'money'. Get with the program, nigga).

They are constantly seeking to innovate / increase market share / cyberbully their enemy Google / monetise their situation / promote 'fucking bullshit' browser games / matchmake 'me' (strong, white human male) with 'hawt single women' (bots and sockpuppets) via dated matchmaking services. 

Today, I saw this new scheme from the Facebawks. Niggas can now Send Gifts to one anothers digital situations. 

Not really sure what it all means tbh. 

If YOU could send a 'Gift', what would YOU send, nig?!

• Spa Day?
• Ebook / .PDF situation?
• Cupcake related situation?
• Some sort of Nail / Manicure thing? (When a woman posts an exotic selfie of her nails do you think, "Wow.")?
• Cyber terrorism / virus / digital STD?
• Actual STD (utilising primitive 2.5" Floppy)?
• £10 Amazon voucher?
• £15 Amazon voucher?
• £20 Amazon voucher :-O amazedface?!
• Pornography?
• Cooking class (with 1 complimentary glass of Chardonnay)?
• MP3s?
• Half-finished screenplay :-( sadface?
• Virtual 'money' for virtual 'fucking bullshit' browser game?
• Threats / hurtful language? 
• Haircut / papering day at local poormans Tony & Guy rippoff?
• Miscellaneous expensive gift / passive-aggressive demand for sex?
• Google+ account?

What would YOU send ffs?!

YOU'RE WORLD - I REALLY NEED TO FINISH MY SCREENPLAY

Sup, nigs.
The moar things change, the moar they stay the same, right?
Yeah, man. You're telling me.

Anyways, you may remember this post about helping fellow anons out. Well, we have a situation to remedy.

Welcome to YOU'RE WORLD.

In our first YOU'RE WORLD, anonymous tells us his situation. 

Let's see if we can't help this nigga out, hmmm?

-----

I REALLY NEED TO FINISH MY SCREENPLAY

Falling behind. 
I go to the local chain coffee shop. I order the usual. I sit in the window, where I can people watch - but importantly - also BE watched. (I am wearing some vintage clothes, but also some 'new shit'. I am just me being 'me'.) 
I am ready. 
To begin. 
To weave the magic of the word.
I ease my laptop open. 
1st things 1st; my name has been wrote on my coffee 'cup'. I take a photo of the coffee 'cup' with my _____ model of mobile phone. 

There are 2 options: 
1) My name is spelt correctly.
I post the photo along with, "You KNOW you drink too much coffee when THIS happens! XD." I will hope for between 3 and 8 likes (and at least 2 comments).
or
2) My name is spelt incorrectly. 
Possibly by a member of staff from a crappy European country. Of course, this country will be Poland. I post the photo along with, ">:-( angryface."

Although I feel a bit _____ because I am metaphorically falling behind with my self-imposed 500 words a day - there may very well be other, more pressing situations to attend to:
1) I may feel the need to extend / promote my social presence OTI.
I 'social network'. That is all.
2) Might be feeling 'ambiguous'.
I post vague statuses. I look through a photo gallery of an old bf / gf / bff. I think of the good times. I think of the bad times. I think of the _____ times. I listen to 6 Music.
3) Might be feeling the need to 'cum'.
I open several tabs and then I hide them behind the front one. Soft / hard porn. I have my headphones on. They do not play music, as I need to be 'alert' if some nigga comes 'sneaking up on me'. 

I go to the washroom. 
Might check my hair / general situation. 
Might take a 'selfie'.

I return to my table. (Of course, I do not like to leave my laptop unattended for extended periods of time. Although it is insured 'away from home' and 'all my important shit' is backed up, it is mostly just the aggro of replacing it that I cannot be effed with. Obvs, I am non-violent, but I would seriously concider 'popping a cap in the dome' if some random tried to steal my shit. Do not even want to talk (type) about it tbh.)

I stay for 2 hours. 
In that time I order between 2 and 4 cups of _____. (Maybe an overpriced snack.)

Falling behind. 
With the screenplay, I means.
I go home.


- I am anonymous. iam___

-----

What can WE do to help this anon out?
What do YOU suggest? (Remember, we're all friends with substantial online social presences here - so 'no one get's left behind'.)

Provide your most astute and socially-aware suggestions 'in the comments'.
The winner will receive +1 to his or her internets.


xx (2 kisses.)

13/04/2013 - THE PAV TAV BRIGHTON 'DROPS THE BALL'

As socially-aware and technologically-savvy 20 and 30 somethings we must constantly:

• Download nutritious torrents.
• Take ambiguous 'selfies' (in flattering lighting) and use them as our Facebawks Profile Pics.
• Write 'snarky' blog posts about those less socially-aware / technologically-savvy than we are.
• Cyberbully anyone who 'drops the ball'. Sort of like a 'survival of the fittest' thing. (2 metaphors.)

Recently, alternative-jumblesale-themed pub, The Royal Pavilion Tavern (aka PavTav aka 'Shithole') totally 'fucked it'. As you know, the only thing which separates us from the animals is a substantial social networking presence OTI.  

"Respect OTI,

is directly proportional to success IRL / AFK.

(Sometimes it is more important than air or food.)" - A stunning Haiku © 2013

In my travels across the internets I 'came' upon this story, which made me very #worried.

I'm sure that we can all enjoy these amateur night antics from the admin of the PavTav Facebook Page.

Basic, some kid tries to get his band a show at The Pav, and PMs the pub's Facebook Page.
He gets 'completely effing shutdown' by the Admin :-( sadface.

"I do not 'like' this." - The Voice of Reason

Sort of feel that this unknown Admin is an 'asshole', who obvs doesn't have time for every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Sort of feel bad for the kid (and his band), as this could've been their big break. (You never know who's in the audience.)

Do you think that the 'Royal' Pavilion Tavern needs to get over itself / get a grip / get with the effing program and drop the 'Royal'?

Those of you who are familiar with the PavPav, what keeps YOU 'going back for more'?

a) Cheap booze?

b) The opportunity to do 'The Moshpit'?

c) The opportunity to 'cum' with a kuwt gurl far younger than you?

d) Limp Bizkit?

e) The Crazy Town?

f) Papa Roaches?

If you 'pulled' some hawt underage girl there, would your friends 'give you a hard time about it' afterwards?

Would you say, "Shut up, man. She's really mature (for her age)"?

Would they believe you?

Did you know that The Pav is actually a chain pub owned by The Man?

Do you have 'issues'?

Anyways, gtg. Stay black.

:-) happyface

xx