LIU WANG AND CASE OF THE MISSING MILLIONS

--- ( CASE CLOSED. WIN? FAIL? FIND OUT AT THE BOTTOM ) ---

LIU WANG AND CASE OF THE MISSING MILLIONS

--- ( Gollygosh, this is my lucky day! Mysterious serious business man Liu Wang has chosen me out of the dozens of people using the internet to be his serious business partner. I haven't read most of what he sent me because Liu deploys some pretty impressive walls of text. I think the gist of it, is that some dude has died and he wants to leave me $1.5 billion Taiwanese New Dollars. I thought the conversion rate of all the TND in the universe would be, like, 68p - but I needn't have been so cynical as it equates to $44.5 million USD! Fucking win! "What is to be done", he asks? Lets find out... ) ---

--- ( ! WARNING ! Liu has learnt all the English words ever and is using them all at once in a kind of literary Shock and Awe campaign. ! TL;DR ! ) ---

Hello,

Thank you very much for your mail. I am Mr. Liu Wang, bank officer with the International bank of Taipei, Taiwan. Let me give you a detailed description of what is in this transaction for us. In June 2003, My late client Muhannad Al-Hakim, an Iraqi Crude oil merchant made a numbered fixed deposit of One Billion Five hundred Million Taiwanese New Dollars ($1,500,000,000.00 Taiwanese New Dollars) for 18 calendar months, this is valued to Forty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ($44.5 Million United States Dollars) only in my branch. Upon maturity several notices were sent to him, even during the war (U.S and Iraqi war), Seven years ago (2004). Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later found out that Muhannad Al-Hakim and his family had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit his home at Mukaradeeb where his personal oil well was. After further investigation it was also discovered that Muhannad Al-Hakim did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, the Forty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration of Six years Six months the funds will revert to the ownership of the Taiwan Government if nobody applies to claim the funds. Against this backdrop, we still have about two more months left for someone to come up and claim the funds as next of kin to this fund. My suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Muhannad Al-Hakim so that you will be able to receive his funds and for the money be pulled out from my bank and out from my country.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE? I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessary documents

that will back you up as the next of kin to Muhannad Al-Hakim , all that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your details as below:

Full Name:

Contact Address:

Occupation:

After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also file in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter of probate in your favor for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by you. There is no risk involved at all in this matter as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you. Should you be interested please send me your full names and current residential address.Finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this operation. Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Liu

---

Liu Wang,

the words you are speaking to me are of great interest. i am a simple Christian man (see the attached photo) and i deal with business in as transparent a way as possible. i can certainly accommodate your situation, but i must see for who it is i am dealing.

before we dance the dance please attach a photo of yourself so i know there is maximum security

yours sincerely.

Adam

The hair says retarded but the smile says retarded.

--- ( tl;dr ) ---

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your reply and your interest to help me in this transaction. I appreciate your interest in my proposal and I sincerely hope that we can work together as a team of two men in a spirit of partnership in this endeavor. Given what I have in hand and the fact that I can not run it alone as I said before, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance to partner with me.I actually got your email contact from a friend of mine who works at the Chambers of Commerce here in the Taipei (Taiwan), I went to him with the zeal of locating a possible business partner overseas who will assist me in this project but note that I did not specify the nature of this business to him due to the nature of the business,that was how i got your contact.

As I told you, I have hired the services of an attorney that will procure all necessary documentations that will back you up as the next of kin to my late client. It will be stated in the documentations that you are the only surviving distant relative.

Like I said earlier, due to this issue on my hands now, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance. I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project, and I will want you also to assist me in investing my share of the funds in your country. I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly and it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking.

Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up. If you work seriously, the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.

READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:

"Purpose of Deposit: SAFE KEEPING" - moar like buying $44.5m worth 
of booze, sex, and Transformers toys. The value can only go up.

I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. I know we have not met before, but I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.

I shall advise you on the bank I want you to open an account in which has corresponding working agreements with my bank and shall have no problems with regards to the transfer of the funds to your account there. You shall also need to open a new account in your name in your country and this must not be your existing account, the two accounts must be new accounts. The funds once transferred from my bank to your offshore account, I shall advise you on how the funds can be transferred to your account in your country using the bank's online facility. This is the best way I have found, it will protect us from my bank and the monetary body. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. So I advise that you follow my instructions religiously.

Also you have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name as my bank will be aware that it is from me. This is where I need you. I will not request any up front charges from you to me over-here in Taiwan. But you will be in charge of providing the minimum account opening balance that is needed to activate the offshore account. Setting up an offshore account is not expensive as I have inside knowledge, as one who has being in the banking firm for over two decade now. I will obtain a certificate of deposit from my bank and letter of administration from the Probate registry, it will be issued in your name. This will make you the bonafide owner of the funds. After this, the money will be transferred to your offshore account and then you can transfer the funds to your newly opened account in your country.

We can then instruct your bank after the money has been transferred to your newly opened account to transfer our various shares into our respective home bank accounts. I will also perfect the documentations with the assistance of my attorney to give the transaction the legal right.

Kindly provide me with a copy of your identity(driver's license or international passport). I will attach my Identity card to you after I have seen yours for your perusal and trust. Our local telephone lines could be intercepted easily, so they are not safe for this transaction. For this reason I am arranging for a more secured means of communication. Meanwhile, you can reach me via this email pending when all arrangements for the confidential phone number and fax number has been completed.

Ensure that you keep this project confidential because of the nature of this transaction and my work. Please reply soonest.

My sincere regards,

Liu Wang

--- ( Maybe he doesn't read too good. FEED ME PICS! ) ---

Liu Wang,

i am now suspicious, as i have asked you for the photo of Liu Wang and none has been forthcoming. are you the man i can trust, or an enemy of free men everywhere? my mother told me about men like you. said you'd...use me.

now i ask for your troth. reply with a photo so i can have maximum assurance.

i am awaiting youre reading

Adam

--- ( He fed me pics. ) ---

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your mail. I have just received your e-mail and the content therein is well understood by me. I want you to know that it is imperative you bear the cost of opening the offshore account, while i take care of the cost of processing the legal document that will back you as the rightful next of kin to my late client. you have to open the offshore account with a bank that i will recommend for you. It is not advisable for us to transfer the funds to your local bank account in your country from my bank here in Taiwan.

This is where I need you. I will not request any up front charges from you to me over-here in Taiwan. But you will be in charge of providing the minimum account opening balance that is needed to activate the offshore account. Setting up an offshore account is not expensive as I have inside knowledge, as one who has being in the banking firm for over two decade now. I will obtain a certificate of deposit from my bank and letter of administration from the Probate registry, it will be issued in your name. This will make you the bonafide owner of the funds. After this, the money will be transferred to your offshore account and then you can transfer the funds to your newly opened account in your country.

I want you to know that the bank that i want to recommend for you is a bank that have good service relationship with my bank for a very long time. So it will be very easy for you to use the service of the bank to transfer the funds from my bank, because both banks have enjoy business together for a very long time.

I want you to know that i have plan everything out, so i suggest you follow my instruction and let conclude this transaction without the monetary body of my bank raising eye brown. Please see attached for certificate of deposit and my family photos. Also do send me a copy of your a copy of your identity(driver's license or international passport) for my veiw.

I need your consent so that i can send you the contact details of the bank to setup the offshore account.

I look forward to your swift response to my mail.

Liu.

---

Liu Wang,

you have proven yourself a man i can trust, and for this i thank you. one has met men online before. i dont really like to talk about it - but lets just say my heart was broken and i was quite aggressively sodomised :( sadface. but enough about one. i feel it is time for another troth, dont you?

as you have shown me your family i will now show you mine. then our business can get to second base.

see the attached photo. this is my family. well, we are friends really like Friends the show. if i was in Friends i think id most likely be Rachael. let us exchange troths: 

Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler,
Joey, and Ian. The whole gangs there!

1) which Friends character are you most like?

2) do you like me?

ANSWER THIS AND WE GET TO SECOND BASE AND I SEND THE PASSPORT AND DRIVING LICENSE TO YOU.

i am awaiting youre reading

Adam

--- ( How do I sent passport? ) ---

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your mail. I have just received your e-mail and the content therein is well understood by me. I want you to know that it is imperative you bear the cost of opening the offshore account, while i take care of the cost of processing the legal document that will back you as the rightful next of kin to my late client. you have to open the offshore account with a bank that i will recommend for you. It is not advisable for us to transfer the funds to your local bank account in your country from my bank here in Taiwan.

LUI. WANG. HUMAN? ALL CAPS.

--

Liu Wang,

thankee for the passport. i am going to print it and laminate it and buy internets with it because i am a cyber criminal i hope you dont mind soz. i am like Oceans 11 but i live in your modem. i think i figured out what Friends character you are - you are sooo Chandler! if you want to know for why, send me your birth certificate and at least one of your children. the birth certificate you can have back (well after i print it and laminate it and buy internets blah blah blah).

your child will stay with me.

anyways - alta la vista, baby.

--- ( CASE CLOSED )---

WIN 

Liu never did get back to me. Maybe he wore his fingers down to the knuckle tap tap tapping all of those MASSIVE FUCKING WALLS OF TEXT LERN 2 INTERNET U NOOB. If Liu Wang was paid by the word, he'd be the richest scammer in all of Nigeria. My laptop screen physically started to sag in the corners due to the volume of words Liu was filling it with. I also award Liu several +1's to his internets for taking the time with MS Paint to do that bank deposit thing. It looked very official and not at all liek a GCSE IT project. Not at all. If I were his mum I'd definitely put that pride of place on the fridge, right next to his 100 meter swimming certificate, his Love Racism - Hate Music pin badge, and his busy bollocks diploma from the university of serious business. 

Anyways, if he does send one of his kids I hope he sends the fat, happy baby because that fleece thing looks like its made of soft, cloud-like cashmere. I bet it'd make a most excellent pillow for the kitten. 

Or I could hollow it out and turn it into this!
That's what baby's are for, right?

  

SCORE: 4 / 5 HIGH 5'S

--- ( WT WE HAVE LERNED? ) ---

• Googling H from Steps came up with a whole bunch of H from Steps dead results. Go check. My research department (Terrapins) spent days confirming or denying this fact. No one on the entire planet is entirely sure.
• H's real name is Ian Watkins. Like the gaylord from Lost Prophets. Coincidence?!
• That is all.

AMANDA COLLINS: THE ORIGINAL

--- ( CASE CLOSED. WIN? FAIL? FIND OUT AT THE BOTTOM ) ---

AMANDA COLLINS: THE ORIGINAL

Subject: Reply to your ad: SAMSUNG TOCCO LITE (spares and repair)

Hi there Adam, you have received a reply to your Gumtree posting "SAMSUNG TOCCO LITE (spares and repair)" (ad# 86741736) from <amandacollins32>:</amandacollins32>

am interested in buying your item?

hope too read from you soon...

amanda

---

Amanda,

I'm glad you're interested. When would you like to come and view it? Thanks. 

Adam

--- ( Skip this wall of text below if you want. tl;dr. It's a scam. ) ---

Hi Thanks for getting back to me I will want to know the recent

condition of this item and the total amount, am really willing to buy

the items.and am to send it to my friend who is studying

West Africa (Nigeria) as a gift for her birthday, for me by Royal Mail

international

message log .. I'll be paying through pay pal or i can pay via bank

transfer if that is not preferable,we can do it via postal order

So you online and you really appreciate your help.

each auction via bank transfer with item number Gumtree

am not around for now i went for a trip with my boss in Canada i will

have loved to come for the items myself so i will

be paying you the amount of money u willing to collect from me for the

item,so i will like to know the total amount of the item plus the

postage,so i will like you to get back to me with a request of the

total amount plus the shipping charges to my bank record or PayPal

which the details is(amandacollins32@yahoo.com) so i will like to make

the payment as soon as possible i get the request ....

amanda...

---

Amanda, 

your story has warmed my heart. would you like to meet up, in person? my name? adam. i am a modest man. but i can treat you like jesus treat the leper - with the tender touch and the infinite care. allow me, this one time, to call you...mine? let me know if this is too forward. i think i am falling for you. please allow me, this one time, to offer you the "mmwa"

adam x

--- ( pics lol ) ---

OK but i don't know you but i will like too know whether you are going too post out the item for me and the kind of payment you will like caus this is my first time of buying iterm onlineor not so if you want too contact me this is my im (lisaanderson20*so that we can talk about this ok and this is my own yahoomail you are free too send me message ok lisaanderson20@yahoo.com...and this are my pics if you dont mind ok 

---

you're pictures. i am amaze. forget about the camera, and the high quality 12 mega pixel images it develops. i am more interested in this love that develops between us. would you be terribly adverse to recieving a picture of me? i know you want the business, but mix a little business with pleasure, hey baby? 

eternally you'res. adam x

this is a picture of me. it is very recent, so the authentisity can be confirmed. adam x

---

thanks for the message but it is hard too date some i dont no but i you im tell me so that we can chat better ok and this is my im( lisaanderson20)yahoomessenger then let me have yours ok ... 

 and tell me are you going too help me send the phon too my friend just let me know then we can chat about that later but your pic is nice but i will like too see you but am not around for now and whish country are you from... 

 hope too read from you soon....

---

Amanda,

is one moving too fast? i cant help it, baby, this feeling is now too strong to ignore one time. my love is like the wind, and wild is the wind. i would love to yahoomessenger you but unfortunately i have no internets to spare atm (maybe its a problem with the mainframe? i dunno lol). i will, of course, send the phone to your friend. first, answer me this troth.

it is just a friend, yes? not something...moar serious? i await you're reading. adam x

 --- :D ---

it is my friend i can give you her pics she is a woman not a man OK loll so get back too me as soon as possible ok and i will like too no were you are from and a little about you

 ---

Amanda,

oh golly, is you're friend single? i have a friend Danny (i've attached his photo) who may be interested. he looks a little weird cos his mum used to drink and the beet him :( sadface. but you cant really tell, hey? lol this all seems to be going so well!

i am you're soil, you are my plant - i will help you grow. adam x

---

hi thanks for the message s that your friend is pics is nice but  you are more ansome than him am sorry for that but you have not tell me anything about the postage cause my friend call me and i told her i have seen samsung that she is looking for that am going too send it too her next week so i will like too read from you soon

---

Amanda,

whoa, baby. may starting to think yous is only interested in this phone? what about the promise you made? use the eyes for you're reading as i speek to you now. my friend Danny and one would like to meet you and you're friend. another troth must also be spoke between you, the woman, and may, the man. this troth is this - are you just using me for the phone? it seems like this is all yous is interested in.

hopefully and meek you'res. adam x

---

thanks for the message let me know if you are gpoing ttoo help send this phon cause am sending it as a birthday gift and i will you too post it tommorow morning then we can talk about this felling you have for me cause am still single and too be honest you are the first person toopropose too me and i will let you know what going on loll

---

Amanda,

i was worried you're intentions were unpure. i have been hurt in the past so i keep my heart in a tower, only the chosen one can open it. it is time for another troth - are you the chosen one?please speek to me always and only troth. when is you're friends dbay? i can have the airmail sent to you priority airmail. but first, speek the answer i need to read. 

i have attached a photo of me in the bath (i have both taps, hot and cold). i await you're reading.adam x

( follow up. )

Amanda,

i haven't heard from you for a while. are you still interested in this item because i have other people interested in this amazing item? 

reply with email. adam x

---

yes but i think you are playing me OK have given you the address i want the item too be post too so if you know you are going too help for this cause my friend is doing her birthday next week and for your question we can be friends for now cause i will like too no more about you before i give you my heart so let me know as soon as possible

--

Amanda,

forgive my lewd behaviour, i ensure you my intentions are as pure as a mountain stream and as pure as a mountain stream. i just havent met anyone like you before. your photos haunt my dreams. i think i am falling in love with you. does it understand?

i will post the item to your friend. please give me the address and payment declaration mandate for data protection and security purposes (go to PayPal/security purposes)

i have run out of ink in my printer i have printed so many of your photo. 
i need moar money for ink. adam x



ps i have included a photo of me with my pet dog, "Robocop". i hope you like.

---

ok just let me know when you have post the item so that i will be sure and i can sort out the payment ok
block20,flat 15 rabiatu Thompson
surulere
Lagos
23401
Nigeria
and the receiver is Carlos Marcus
and i want you to kindly get back to me with the tracking number so i
would be sure of the postage

hope to read from you soon

---

Amanda,

yous must think i am the real sillybilly. i know (well, my heart and my soul pray that this is the troth) that you're a serious buyer - but you must understand my reservations. what with the current state of the economic climate and the DOW JONES i must have thorough confirmation.

what is you're offer on the camera in £? (i will reduce the item by £10 for NOODZ)

adam x

( Hold up! )

Amanda,

also, who the fuck is Carlos Marcus? THIS IS NOT THE TROTH WE DISCUSSED!!!1

:( angry face

---

dont be too jealousy that is the person that will receive the item and for your information i don't know the guy and  that what my friend give too me whit the address the receiver name but now i can see  your felling for me is strong but let settle this first i promise you

---

ok, baby,

i cannot help but feel jealousy. it is time for another troth to be spoken between you and one. you speek of promises? swear on my dead brothers wings that this Carlos sonofabitch means nothing to you? turn my :( sadface into ;) confident winking man.

speek this troth to me, and we can proceed.


ps sent moar pics too. adam x

---

hello are you angry you don't even talk too me

--- ( The endgame. ) ---

Amanda,

now i use the fingers to type the words. you use the eyes to read the words, yes? i cannot talk to you anymoar. the wounds are too deep, the memories burn like a thousand suns. what we have shared here will live on as a most precious jewel in my mind.

before i leave (probably to listen to Paparoach and then kill myself :( sadface), for old times sake, answer me one final troth:

was it ever about me or were you just manipulating my emotions, like the drunk monkey juggling the 6 Rubix cubes, just to get this damn phone?



ps. here is a picture of me learning to swim. adam x

---

why are u doing like this to me ,i guess his my fwend boi fwend so what is the rubbish u telling me ,don't you trust me anymore or what here is the person am sending it to on face book go and add her ...so i will like to hear from you about the item today before the post office closed...here is her name below
Pamelacollins2885@yahoo.com.....add her on face book....

---

Amanda,

one has not heard from you for a while. one is starting to think you dont want this phone anymoar? please use words to confirm or deny this. if the phone no longer interests you, what about the promise you made?

look into your heart and speek the words it longs to type. will you be mine?
i am not ashamed to life my live. are you? adam x

---

Hun.wat did u mean by all this am ready to make my love to u am really confesing my self on u. are u still sending the phone or not be truhtful to your word hun,i hope i read from you

--- ( You can call me Hun, but like Pretty Woman - no kissing on the lips. ) ---

Amanda,

i would prefer if one and two kept things moar professional. I am the salesman (serious businessman) you are the customer (customer). therefore one does not know if terms like "hun" are appropriate. maybe you should just call me "Al", and i can be your bodyguard and stuff. before our business reaches the final organism, i need the maximum conformation of for who is is i am dealing.

i attach a photo of me looking mysterious. 

attach a picture of your choosing to one.

also, complete the following. i am the unicorn. you are the ______ ?

adam x

( Follow up. )

Amanda,

do you...not love one :( sadface? what about the old ringading (mobile phone). did i meantion it sends TXT MSGs? think about that, before you let this quality and clean item slip through your hands.

adam x

------ ( CASE CLOSED ) ------

WIN

Fuck. Me. There is so much win involved in this thread. If you need proof, allow me to share with you the fact that a few days ago the NHS contacted me to see if they could outsource this page and use it to treat sick children with the healing power of LOL's. The cure rate was astronomical. Even kids who had been touched by their relatives showed a substantial increase in their :) happyface to :( sadface ratio. It is my gift to the world.

To this day, I'm not sure if Amanda Collins is running some kind of scam or just suffering from massive, potentially fatal learning difficulties. Somewhere out there there is a team of scientists trying to weaponise the raw levels of retardation Amanda possesses. When that day comes - like Bill Paxton says in Aliens, "Game over, man! GAME OVER!!!1"

If it were legally possible to award this mission any more high 5's then the maximum 5 out of 5 high 5's, I'd award it, like, 6 high 5's.

SCORE: 5 / 5 HIGH 5'S

--- ( WT WE HAVE LERNED? ) ---

• I think we've actually unlearned things. There's a lot going on here and none of it is boosting anyone's intelligence.
• That is all.

MRS KENT: SHE NOES ABOUT THE NEW PROCEDURE FROM PAYPAL. DO YOU?

--- ( CASE CLOSED. WIN? FAIL? FIND OUT AT THE BOTTOM ) ---

MRS KENT: SHE NOES ABOUT THE NEW PROCEDURE FROM PAYPAL. DO YOU?

Subject: Reply to your ad: iPhone 4 Black 32GB - BOXED - UNLOCKED ANY NETWORK

Hi there Philip, you have received a reply to your Gumtree posting "iPhone 4 Black 32GB - BOXED - UNLOCKED ANY NETWORK" (ad# 87022638) from Mrs Kent <kentlana10@gmail.com>:

How is the condition of this item and what was the final price?

---

Kentlana,

the condition? fantastic. the final price? £330 + shipping. for where are you based?

god be with you.

i am awaiting youre reading.

--- ( I think this is suspicious. tl;dr ) ---

Thank you for the respond.

i am willing to proceed with the transaction now and pay you 400 which
include p&p.kindly login to your paypal account and select the request
money button located at the top of your paypal account homepage and send
the money request directly to my paypal
account id which is kentlana94@hotmail.com so that i can submit
payment to you via paypal right now as paypal is safe, fast and easy to
send and receive money online.

If you dont have a paypal account just logon to www.paypal.com and set
up your paypal account, after setting up your paypal account you
locate the request money button located at the top of your paypal
account home page, use it to request money directly from my paypal
account which is kentlana94@hotmail.com once I receive your money

request from paypal, I will submit payment to you immediately via

paypal.

thanks.

Get back asap.

--- ( Definitely suspicious, prepare to engage. ) ---

Kent,

i say hello to you. what is your situation? i must confirm this before we carry on with the transaction. what is the address you need me to send to? i need to noes this for the p+p (that means postage and packaging lol).

i await youre reading. x

---

Thank you for the mail and i hope this email id is the same as your Pay Pal email id so as to proceed with the payment and bellow is the shipment address:

Name:Saheed A Hassan
Address:No 5,Shapon Street
City: Abeokuta
State: Ogun
Country:Nigeria
Zip Code:23403

Best Regards.

--- ( Please send to Nigeria. I am amaze. ) ---

Kent,

i am happy to proceed now, my mind is at ease. first, we must exchange troths. my troth is this - i am a simple man (see the attached photo). now, you tell me the troth. send me a photo of you. i need to see who i am dealing with. in my country, it is standard protocol.

also, i value your opinion. answer the question immediately - if the world is always turning, why do we not get dizzy?

( Follow up. )

Kent,

i have absolutely no reservations left about this transaction. i have received further interest, but i believe you and one have a deal, so i give to you first refusal.

i am happy and willing to send the phone to you, but i have had no confirmation. maybe i am running out of internets or my motherboard is full? please confirm the address you want me send to the phone to and i can get right on it!

reply using words.

--- ( tl;dr ) ---

hello seller,

thank you for your urgent reply and have already contacted pay pal on your behalf about your fund and the explain that they are taking new procedure for international transaction in order to secure but buyer and seller against fraud and they just introduce the new system for international transaction only and your fund have been deducted from my account already and they want you to complete the transaction by shipping the item 1st and providing pay pal with the tracking number before they will credit your account with your fund.I hope you would have been contacted by pay pal now for confirmation of payment.

thank you and pls reply if you have any question.

Name:Saheed A Hassan
Address:No 5,Shapon Street
City: Abeokuta
State: Ogun
Country:Nigeria
Zip Code:23403

Best Regards.

---

Kent,

what is this i dont even. please explain the situation to me? what is this international paypal procedure? although i said i have no reservations left, like a woman who has just opened her heart to love for the first time after a messy break up "maybe this one will treat me different and not hurt moi?" etc i still have a reservation before we exchange our bits (instead of penis and vagina bits, it is: me, the phone - and you, the monies).

i am awaiting youre reading. this is photo of me and my band. i am cool.

--- ( CASE CLOSED )---

WIN

Oh, Kentlana. Not seduced by the charms of John Deacon she lives to scam another day. One interesting thing about this whole situation was the attention to detail. Look at the 3 emails I received by some made up, official looking PayPal address:

For those of you who can't read that (sorry, small screen cap is small), the top 3 addresses are an absolutely textbook phishing scam. It's the sort of thing that has grannyfuck and granddaddy softdick scrambling round their handbags to hand over their credit card details and then getting all  Q__Q  when their accounts are emptied of the precious monies. Oh the precious, precious monies.

Like Batman, only not very good at fighting - I will protect them. 

  

SCORE: 3 / 5 HIGH 5'S

--- ( WT WE HAVE LERNED? ) ---

• Nigerians don't seem to know a lot about Queen, which is odd because I read somewhere they loved "I Want to Break Free" and adopted it as some rebellion song. (They got really pissy when they saw the video though :( sadface ).
• Like ants. Black ants. Their tools are advancing. I must remain vigilant.
• That is all.

DAVID WELLTON: PHOTOGRAPHER. FATHER.

--- ( CASE CLOSED. WIN? FAIL? FIND OUT AT THE BOTTOM ) ---

DAVID WELLTON: PHOTOGRAPHER. FATHER.

Subject: Reply to your ad: OLYMPUS X-820 8MP CAMERA Boxed, 2 cards, leads, manuals

Hi there Adam, you have received a reply to your Gumtree posting "OLYMPUS X-820 8MP CAMERA Boxed, 2 cards, leads, manuals" (ad# 86744608) from <davidwellton>:</davidwellton>

is this for sale?

David,

---

David, I say hello to you,

It must be for sale. The price? £50. The quality? Excellent. You would like?

Adam

--- ( The pitch. tl;dr ) ---

Hello i am Mr David Wellton  from United State Of America how are you today and how are your families ? hope all is good ? well i am interested in buying the item for my daughter in West Africa(Nigeria), because it my daughter that need it and i hope she would like it , so kindly get to me with the total cost of the item including the shipping cost to her address

 below with post office, i pay through either PayPal or Bank transfer.

reply soon.

First Name :Sheyi

Middle Name-Cole

Address : 178,Akerele Ext

 City : Surulere Lagos

 Zip code : 23401

Country : Nigeria

Thanks and have a blessed day

am just adding this the p&p must not be more than 50 pounds and it is needed urgently

---

David,

i like you. i like a man who likes to get to noes a man before he gets down to business. my family you ask? they are good. dad, (or as i like to call him "Scampi"), has a bad back. i think it is from when he put the hair gel on his head in vast quantities and then the weight of carrying it around all day has a bad back. he put the gel on his head to slick it back, this way Scampi could ease his head between the railings of the local school to look at the children. with the hair slicked back, a quick withdraw was not only an option, it was a reality.

how is you're family, david? i am awaiting you're reading. adam x

---

David,

please explain. are you still interested in this item? i am willing to sent the item. 

adam x

------ ( CASE CLOSED ) ------

FAIL

Unfortunately, "David Wellton" has decided this is a no win situation and has pulled out of the transaction. Maybe I went in too strong with the stuff about Scampi? :( sadface.

I have created a scoring system to rate how rad a mission is. How can you scientifically and mathematically rate how rad something is?

Unless you are a fucking retard, you know it can only be with High 5's. 

SCORE: 1 / 5 HIGH 5'S

--- ( WT WE HAVE LERNED? ) ---

• Do not talk about looking at children until at least a few emails.
• Nigeria is in West Africa.
• That is all.