SUPERHERO MOVIE SATURATION :-[

Hello and yes welcome let's get down to business hmmm? From what I understand, there are more Superhero movies than there are stars in the sky. There are more Superhero movies than there are Deliveroo drivers delivering their precious cargo of high carbohydrate / low nutrition meals to basement flats throughout the modern urban environment.

Eff Cinematic Universes and eff Deliveroo. Yup. That about wraps this post up thanks for reading and see y'all next time.  

Another beautiful truth.
Another excellent post.

OH, 2016. WHAT ARE YOU?

Highly trained scientists and unemployed post-grads have concluded that years from now, when we're all old and grey, we'll look back at 2016 as the moment things went wrong. 
Come. Let us reflect:

• Death of popular celebs.
• Irreversible climate change.
• Polar bear decimation / soggy penguin.
• Bee decimation / Colony Collapse Syndrome.
• Whatevs launch of Ecksbawks One and PS4.
• Private space shuttle-bro's space shuttle explodes.
• 'Visionary director' Zack Snyder's Batman Vs Superman.
• 'Mental' North Korean nuclear test Vs UN sanctions.
• The £ dropping off into the Mariana's Trench. 

Really, the only good thing that came out of this year is that Leo got his Oscar (and my cat got the all clear from the vet). So where do we go from here, y'all?

As you're no doubt aware the average iamawaitingyourereading reader (nearly 400k obvs) is savvy enough to just 'switch off from the negative vibrations', spend more time on the internet, and buy more things. That's okay for US but what about THEM? We're all in this together; be that Ryan Shrew from Southampton with +15% body fat or Chun Li from China (?) with the Spinning Bird Kick. We have a responsibility as self-aware content consumers living in the modern urban environment to assist our peers and let them know, "Everything will sort itself out :-] happyface."

To this end I've put together a 5 step plan to remedy the situation. Tell a friend. Then that friend will tell a friend. Then that friend will tell a friend. Then, like ripples in a pond, positive vibes and chillwaves will restore our collective species' situation:

1) Ignore All Issues - Obvs the best way to resolve a problem is to ignore it until it sorts itself out.

2) Derail Think Pieces - Intellectual circle jerks have got us, as a species, nowhere. Best thing to do in these situations is spam all threads with cat .gifs.

3) Get A Cat - From what I understand, cats don't care for many things straight off the bat. If you can convince the cat that it cares for you (or can convince yourself that the cat is convinced) then everything is okay.

4) MP3s - Cultivate a strong MP3 library that represents your personal brand; be that reggae music for minimum wage coffee shop-bros, strong female role model broad MP3, or bleepbloop MP3 from Soundcloud - you just do you.

5) The Universe Is HUGE - The universe is huge. It's all a storm in a tea cup.

Q&A

Are you worried about the future?

Are you 'pretty whatevs' about the future?

Do you remember when David Bowie died and everyone was like, "HOW CN KAYNE WEST STILL B ALIV?!!!" Not really a question, but there was a lot of salt that week.

Would you kill a polar bear to save a polar bear?

Should all political situations, regardless of democracy, just be voted on by peeps who actually understand the situaition?

Clinton or Trump? (Oh Gawd we haven't even got to that yet.)

Are 'next generation' consoles just crap PCs?

Are Apple PCs just expensive PCs (but with better branding / customer support)?

Should DC just sell the rights to Batman to Marvel?

These are great days we're living in. Fast internet. Nice skin care products. Loads of competitive prices on the highstreet. Enjoy it, y'all. Savior it, you all.

We might be fighting over a can of tuna come next year.

xoxox

(kiss hug kiss hug, and then a final kiss.)

1STWP: IS IRONMAN A 'FUCKING ASSHOLE'?

(1st World Problems is a regular feature on iam___ where we explore the many dangers which threaten us as self-aware members of the 1st World. Let's see what today's situation is.)

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Hey, y'all.
Just watching the previous 2 Ironman films atm in preparation for when a decent torrent of Ironman 3 becomes available so that I can DL it and watch it illegally. 

From what I understand, Ironman is The Cool One from the Avengers team of advanced superhero friends. He is worth literally tens of thousands of US Dollars and lives a decadent, playboy lifestyle: 

• Keeping it casual in some of the worlds most amazing cars.
• Surrounding himself with glamorous women / 'Grade A pieces of ass'.
• Buying expensive presents / making passive-aggressive demands for sex. 
• Private aeroplane.
• Hobnobbing with celebs and smoking cigars.

Unfortunately, I am unfamiliar with the majority of ^^^ those activities and am sadly priced-out of enjoying them, so I have no choice but to utterly condemn Ironman (due to jealousy).  

Feeling really apathetic about my quality of life.
Feeling like I live in the 3rd World in conditions similar to those of an animal when compared to T. Stark / Robert Downey Jr.

Is it too late to go to university to study Business Studies?

Lets take our mind of things with a brief Q&A hmmm?

If you could be any superhero for a day / the rest of your life who would y'all chose? 

Check your answer against what it says about you below: 

Captain America: You are a goody2shoes and probs middle management at a call centre / miscellaneous retail outlet. 

Batman: You are mysterious but also approachable and trustworthy. You 'get shit done' and don't give an eff about authority or The Man.

Hulk: You have low body confidence :-( sadface.  

Green Lantern Man: You are constantly 'on the go' striving to be the best that you can be. (Dozens of abdominal exercises and L'Oreal moisuriser.)

Ironman: 'Fucking asshole'.

Spiderman: You are playful, self-confident, and self-aware. Although you enjoy internet pornography, it is mostly harmless / light bondage.

Thor: You have seen the major motion picture - The Matrix around 4 times. You spend sooo much time OTI arguing about 'complete fucking bullshit'.

The Superman: Ugh. You probably do not know a lot about comics. You prefer Smallville 2000 to The Amazing Lois and Clark Adventures 1990.

Wonderwoman: You are The Cool Broad at work. You are 'down' with going to stripclubs and posting vague status' / melancholy selfies. 

Wolverine: You are a clevercloggs kind of shrew, explaining how technically mutants are not superheroes and then looking smug. You will have back hair.

Bonus Q&A

Does anyone know wtf happened to Teri Hatcher's bewbs after the mid 1990's? 

I am aghast.