THE SORT OF STEVIE NICKS HAT PERSONAL BRAND

From what I understand the Sort of Stevie Nicks Hat personal branding solution is going to be huge this summer, with ASOS selling them by the pallet-load and even miscellaneous crappy high street chains like River Island trying to monetise the situation. So what does this mean for us as self-aware members of the 1st World? Let's reflect:

There's something utterly timeless about Fleetwood Macs and specifically Stevie Nicks. Their MP3s teach us that it's okay to effing be yourself; be that refusing to comb your hair, being chill with extramarital affairs, or simply living in a swamp [via American Horror Story: Coven]. This foundation creates a really sustainable platform to sell products to broads aged 25 - 35 or to bros who can play the guitar okay. The wonderful thing about the Sort of Stevie Nicks Hat personal branding solution is that you can double down on looking mysterious. So many people are going to think that you keep a diary and maybe had a poem published back in the day; or at the very least you've thought about lava lamps at some point or another. 

The thing is that we're all put here for a reason and there's no reason why you can't look redonk sweetums while doing so. 
Sometimes you just need to wander through the modern urban environment sorting through the complex emotions in your head. 
Sometimes you just want to binge watch Netflix. 


Q&A
Will you be co-branding your situation with this situation?
Is felt made from an animal? Mole?
In a drum off between Mick Fleetwood and the bro from My Red Hot Chilli Pepper who would be the most whatevs?
Is the Flatcap Hat personal branding solution sooo 2014?
The great thing about hats is that you can only wear 1 at a time. You can wear like 3 jackets and 10+ bracelets at once, but you really have to commit to a hat. (Not really a question.)

In this post I've been exploring my relationship with fashion as a self-aware member of the 1st World.

xxx
(3 kisses.)

PYPB - GREASY TOPKNOT HAIRCUT

(PYPB / Promoting Your Personal Brand is an informative new feature on iam___ where we investigate how to promote your personal brand, both OTI and AFK.)

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Hey y'all.
Just wondering if you've come across any individuals promoting the Greasy Topknot Haircut Personal Branding Solution? From what I understand, early adopters are embracing this haircut NOW in preparation for the 1st and 2nd quarters of 2014 (so expect extensive media coverage and mainstream acceptance this time next year).

"I wish I was more,
aware of fashions and trends.
Perfectly positioned,
to showcase my personal brand." - A Delicate Haiku

Let's examine this new trend, hmmm?

This Asian-bro completely gets it.
He is looking very mysterious (sort of like an ancient Samurai-bro, but fighting a war of the mind. (Education / textbooks / unrealistic career expectations / mounting debt - but also possible / probable erectile dysfunction situations, due to worries about education / textbooks / unrealistic career expectations / mounting debt.))


Q&A
Will you / do you support the Greasy Topknot Haircut Personal Branding Solution?
Do you violently reject its teachings <:-O ?
Are bros embracing this new trend trying too hard to be _____?
Which of the following professions could you realistically get away with this haircut without receiving a verbal warning from frustrated middle management?
a) Student studying for a miscellaneous multimedia qualification?
b) Member of band?
c) The Twitter employee?
d) Minimum wage / Christmas Temp at an exciting fashion outlet?
e) 'Performance Artist' waiting to be discovered? (He will not be discovered.)
f) Shinobi Sega Megadrive man? 
Is this trend for men only?
Is it clean?

Today has been brought to you by FASHION but also PERSONAL BRANDING.

PYPB - FASHION OVER FUNCTION

(PYPB / Promoting Your Personal Brand is an informative new feature on iam___ where we investigate how to promote your personal brand, both OTI and AFK.)

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Y'all. As you're no doubt aware there are thousands if not millions of people in this amazing world that we live in. In order to increase our exposure and market share there are several steps that we need to take:

• Posting ambiguous selfies in flattering lighting.
• Harvesting MP3s from the internet. 
• Adopting fruityloop fashion accessories.

These ^^^ things separate you from the pack and make people be all like, 'OMG,' when you cross paths. Obviously, you don't need me to tell you this.

Really want to use this post to promote someone with an incredibly strong personal branding solution.

Wearing no shoes in winter / in the crowded urban environment is a bold decision; it demonstrates that you're free-spirited, rustic, and also disbelieving in BS concepts like germs or temperature. Those things are mainstream. You are free.


Q&A
How far would you place fashion over function?
a) Thick scarf / hot day combo?
b) Face tattoo?
c) Favorite sunglasses inside?
d) Tanktop / November combo?
e) Beanie hat 24/7, 365?
f) Ironic wheelchair action?
g) Tiny handbag / large inventory mismanagement?
h) High-heel / short BF combo?
i) High-heel / hill combo?
j) Sporadic prepubescent beard situation into your 20's?
Are germs real? (Seems like they could be a made up thing created by The Man so we buy Oven Cleaner and Branded Handwash Solutions.)
Is rejecting shoes a byproduct of travelling to Asia / finding yourself?
Wtf is 'Jimmy Choo'?

Remain self-aware, y'all. 
x (1 kiss.)

IS THE BEARD ECONOMY ABOUT TO IMPLODE?

From what I understand the Beard Economy is huge atm. Men can grow them. Women like to look at / touch them. From smoking hawt broads who study for a BS degree, right through to frumpy women who middle-manage a call centre - it's a fact. 
Unfortunately, all trends decline on a long enough timeline :-( sadface.

Those 'in the know' are starting to turn on the Beard Economy and violently reject its teachings. 

As y'all no doubt remember, there was a time when ironic twiddly mustaches were all the rage. Could you imagine such an individual in today's crowded urban environment? I am aghast.
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seems 'effing retarded' in today's modern world.

Remember, YOU are accountable for your appearance / personal branding. It's not like when your parents sent you out into the crowded urban environment wearing an Adidas jacket / poor people shoe combo. You can no longer blame things on them. 
YOU are accountable for _____.

As the circle of life spins we must stay true to ourselves and our own personal branding decisions; however we must also avoid being 'that guy' and know when it's time to move on. 

"Think of yourself / your situation as a lizard. 
As the new you grows, the old you must be shed,
similar to the lizard's skin. 
Rejoice!" - Life


Q&A
Selecting from the list bellow, what's more counterproductive to your ability to create the opportunity to 'cum'?
a) Steampunk pedophile mustache?
b) Fancypants tramp beard?
c) Authentic tramp beard?
d) 'Doing a Hitler'?
e) Bass-man from band long beard? (Queens of the Stone Age / The Pantereas.)
f) Rapist spiral tash?
g) Movember in July early adopter?
h) Handsome-man post-breakup beard?
i) Plumber's Holiday beard?
j) Patchy prepubescent 20something beard?
k) Neckbeard?

Where's the line drawn between legitimate poor hygiene homeless man facial hair / cool man facial hair?

Good luck out there, y'all.

xx
(2 kisses.)

IS YOUR BF / GF / BFF MORE PHOTOGENIC THAN YOU ARE?

Y'all. 
Just wondering if anyone's heard about these fashion blogs / local magazines which photograph interesting looking people on the street?
From what I understand, if you look like 'the bomb diggity' then the interview people will quiz you about your 'look' and what inspired it. Obviously they don't ask any Tom, Dick, or Harry; you have to be in the top 5% of relevant individuals in your local scene. Presumably you'll also need to be proficient in the following fields:

• Selfies.
• MP3 consumption.
• Twerking.
• Political and / or self-awareness (including Flash Mobs, Haiti, and 'getting militant' about inequality / Polar Bears).
• #hashtag deployment.

"It was a massive boost to my morale and to my general situation. All of those 'out there' fashion choices that I had made were validated the day that _____ took my photo and asked me some questions. Of course, I posted the link to my social network - increasing my market share by __%." - Fashion

Saw this broad on the street selected for an interview.
Felt really pleased for her - like she'd finally 'made it' and broken free of societies norms due to the power of her wardrobe, taking her situation to such great heights. I imagined a perfect world where her and I could combine our situations and become a 'powerhouse' on the local scene - going 'crazy', running through the streets with traffic cones and then pursuing the opportunity to 'cum' later on in the evening. (Might also watch Garden State or Lost in Translation indie motion pictures.) 
Saw her friend mill around next to her.
Felt bad for her - as she had not been selected. 

Felt really bad for her friend, man.
Unfortunately, she was not completely without blame - a real 'fixer-upper' - but it must be hard when your BF / GF / BFF is selected and you're not.
The frumpy-friend pretended that she was happy for the hawt-friend, but this was of course a lie.
Don't know either of these broads - but if I had to guess - I would say that their friendship is just sort of 'on autopilot' - like the relationship between the world and the Pokeman collection of brutal cock-fighting games.

Q&A
Are you intimidated by your BF / GF / BFF's wardrobe?
Is fashion 'fucking bullshit'?
I'm seeing lots of girls wearing mum jeans cut into short denim shorts - is this something to do with Rhianna?
Is being chosen for one of these photo / interview combos a legitimate achievement or is it just sort of like winning the Special Olympics?
If your friend was chosen for one of these photo / interview combos, and you were not, would you loiter around in the background and try and ease your way into the situation?
Just want to ask 1 question - is Pikachu an abomination?
#worried.

I HAVE SEEN A MAN WEARING A 'BONK MACHINE' T SHIRT. WORRIED.

Good afternoon, the internet. Let's get down to business hmmm?

I think that y'all and I know each other pretty well by now, and we share a number of key interests:

• Illegally downloading content.
• Snarky Blogspots / Wordpress situations.
• 'Taking the Mickey' out of politically-aware sadsacks.
• Self-awareness.
• Avoiding BS middleware (Yahoo! Toolbar, Bing Desktop Searchbar, Google + Social Suite, Super Advanced PC Tune Up, Auto Driver Update Situation, Clownshoes Media Player.)
• Avoiding disgusting DRM and, if necessary, manually removing its keys from our Registry so it's utterly effing annihilated - like Hiroshima, World War II (2), or the major RTS PC game from the 1990's Total Annihilation.

Do y'all like fashion?

Unfortunately, I have 'my hands full' just trying to stay abreast of the latest meme cycle and cyberbullying strangers, so I can't commit that much time to the world of fashion and 'what's in' :-( sadface. 

Mostly just wear a mix of retro 'statement pieces' along with generic earthy-colour palette pieces, and throw in a fruity accessory as a conversation starter. 

I'm not much of a fashion-monger, but does ^^^ that sound 'okay?'

Sooo confused about trends and remaining informed about trends. 

:-? confused-face.

"I am in a constant war,

against myself,

to remain,

relevant." - A simply astonishing Haiku; emotive but also confrontational. 

Just saw some soggy little penguin wearing a 'Bonk Machine' T Shirt.

Worried.

I am not sure what this guys malfunction is - but if I had to guess - I would say that he probs does not get to 'do the bonk' too often. I would even go so far as saying that he's had between 1-3 sexual partners in his lifetime. I would even go so far as saying that these partners were of bellow average attractiveness. I would even go so far as saying [something hurtful].

Please be careful when making your wardrobe selection. 

Remember, the eyes of the world are on you / judging you and your situation.

"Although it is mainly,

what is on the inside that counts.

Looking good on the outside,

will make people like you 1st." - A Haiku © 2013

Q&A

Are you a #bonkmachine?

In 4 years will this guy look back and think, 'Fuck'?

Do you have any embarrassing fashion anecdotes?

Do they involve any of the following clothing brands:

Stiffy?

Naff Naff?

Baggy / skinny jeans?

Tie Dye situations?

Black bomber jacket / orange lining combo?

Manga and / or miscellaneous Anime clothing?

Frumpy bra?

Mum jean / baggy T Shirt combo?

Tell us YOUR fashion faux pas and YOU could win a laptop with an Intel Celeron Processor, 1 months antivirus protection with Norton 360 (no virus definition updates), and 1 to 1 technical support with that fucking Clippy paperclip thing.

Today has been brought to you by FASHION.

xx (2 kisses.)

31/03/2013 - MUM JEANS & BAGGY SHIRT COMBO

Y'all. 

Today's the 31st of April. The Easter Sunday Situation †††.
From what I understand, blessed Jesus returned to us over 2000 years ago. 

(Feeling a bit hazy on the exact situation tbh. I am wondering if we should probs feel guilty about this, as Jesus died for our sins, but it just doesn't relate to OUR situation. We are savvy content consumers living in the modern urban environment; we don't have time for _____. We're just trying to make our way in this crazy mixed up world. 
If Jesus died then came back to protect torrent sites and free MP3s would you 'get onboard'?)

Can't even be effed to do a blog post about Jesus.

Today I'd like to talk to you about a very worrying situation.
Girls sporting mum jeans & baggy shirt combos.

Feeling worried <:-(

We can all agree that in addition to being facially pleasing to the eye a woman must also have a solid breast to ass ratio. (Some women are neither facially pleasing to the eye nor built with the correct breast to ass ratio - but I'd rather not talk about them. Out of sight and out of mind, hey? Like math and utility bills.)

The combined power of a pair of mum jeans and a baggy shirt situation make 'previewing the goods' near impossible. 

Sort of feel like this should be illegal.
False advertising / knowingly misleading / highly problematic for a man to know whether a woman should be stored in the 'friendzone' or perhaps 'promoted' to GF / BFF. 

Let's get effing real, y'all. It's important to get to know a woman - but it's also important to 'cum'.
Sort of feel that sometimes these 2 instructions are in direct conflict with one another which leads me to grow very confused. (Think turning on a Sega Mega Drive for the first time in __ years and the cartridge fails to load correctly because it's confused. Unfortunately, it's not as simple to fix as 'blowing it'.)
^^^ This is a metaphor.

"We must all take a stand,
against loose, ambiguous clothing,
draped over the frame,
of what could possibly be a hawt woman." - Public Service Announcement / Haiku © 2013

Might change my Facebook profile pic to facilitate 'change'.


Q&A
Do y'all know any women with mum jeans? (Other than y'all's actual mum?)
Should everyone just get naked so that there's no misunderstanding about _____?
Are women who wear baggy, vintage clothes 'kewl' or 'kind of shy'?

Today has been brought to you by FASHION.

You're's sincerely. x kiss symbol x