Since the creation of the internet utilising the amazing powers of AOL free trial CDs and crappy 56k modems the internet has answered many questions.
Come. Let us reflect:
- What is the colour of the thing?
- Why does my cat lick me?
- Why is Zooey Deschanel?
- What did Keven McAllister's dad do to afford this biz?
As part of this blog's outstanding commitment to outstanding investigate journalism I am investigating this hot-button topic immediately.
I saw the above meme ^^^ posted a couple of days ago and was like, "Yeah okay."
There's so much content to sift through in our amazing 1st World that sometimes it's in one ear and out the other.
Then someone commented that it's actually Mrs McAllister and not Mr McAllister making that 'effing redonk bank'.
😮😮
At first I violently rejected their comment; how can a woman make more money than a man? It's straight up crazy talk. I deployed the passive-aggressive-laughing-boi emoji as if I were dropping The Fat Man atomic nuclear device on Nagasaki.
But it stuck with me, y'all...
It is the festive season and I am watching the major motion picture Home Alone.
Let us get to the bottom of the McAllister's financial situation, hmmm?
Let us get to the bottom of the McAllister's financial situation, hmmm?
MR McALLISTER: AN INVESTIGATION
Firstly, Mr McAllister looks like 'a fucking bum' 😒😒:
He is wearing a crappy $15 shirt from some shitty miscellaneous big box store.
He is also sporting the painted-on smile of a man who has made poor life choices.
Unfortunately, his brother is also very poor. 😕😕
MRS McALLISTER: AN INVESTIGATION
Meanwhile, Mrs McAllister looks straight up sweetums, bb 😃😃:
It's also very telling to this author that Mrs McAllister not only settles the bill with the pizza delivery bro, she also takes the time to 'shoot the shit' with this random minimum wage dingdong. Mrs McAllister has the comfortable demeanour of a successful person who is 'willing to listen to the little people but ultimately does not care'.
Subtle undertones of a relationship where the power balance is heavily skewed.
Mrs McAllister also mentions that the whole trip to Paris shindig is because her husband has been transferred or something.
Sort of feel like big important businessmen (specialising in business) don't get transferred - they go where they want to go.
He has not been promoted. He has been transferred.
It's a bit like your other half is 'working' in some 'utterly bullshit industry' (Etsy / notonthehighstreet.org / something to do with decoupage) that constantly runs at a loss, and you're paying to keep it afloat, but if it keeps your other half happy - whatevs.
Also, see David Beckham funding Victoria Beckham's 'fancypants clothing range'.
Anything for a quiet life.
THE McALLISTERS: CONCLUSION
Accepting all of this as truth, I speculate that Mrs McAllister runs some high-end clothing company; that's why the house is filled with mannequins.
At the start of this post it seemed 'impossible' that she was the provider of the family's vast wealth, but that is why we investigate this stuff:
To learn.
To LOL.
Let's have a VERY BRIEF Q&A.
Q&A
Are you the 'dead weight' in your relationship, hoping your partner pays for _____?
If you had a blank cheque from your very wealthy other half, what 'fucking bullshit' business venture would you start with 0 consequence should it fail?
a) Stained glass windows?
b) Yoga for pets?
c) Oh wow like LEGO Technic limbs for broken pets? 😮😮
d) Plants?
e) 1st World Christmas tree decorations made out of 3rd World bullets / mines?
f) Expensive pasta. £100 for 100g. It is multi-coloured.
f) Expensive pasta. £100 for 100g. It is multi-coloured.
Christmas truly is the most magical time of the year.
Thank you, clean Caucasian Jesus. <3 <3
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