The letter was written in crayon :-[ sadface
There were so many fucking expletives so I've tried to fucking clean it up as much as I can. Every dog has his day and all that. I'm absolutely aghast.
'Jesus Christ'. A real potty mouth on this kid :-[
Here's a brief transcript from this rigmarole.
Absolute degenerate.
NSFW
-----
I always wanted to be a football man.
Kicking the ball.
Dribbling the ball to the end zone to win The Prize.
I am doing a corner kick now.
I hope that the coach sees me - but moar importantly - he sees my potential.
I am a football boy now but I would like to be a fully-fledged football man (broad with too-dark eyebrows for her complexion / car that is okay / house in a secure environment where the insurance premium is too much but 'I have a lot of expensive shit' so I don't mind paying the premium even though the excess is a bit _____.)
Man, I could kick a football ball into orbit.
It will circle the Earth's circumference for a thousand years because I have kicked it so high but also very very accurately.
I am just doing some football, y'all.
I am playing football now.
"Eff you, ref," I speak the words. "Double Hitler. You are a bad referee man, man. That biz was totally legit."
(I call him a cunt too. Fortunately, there is no YouTube footage so this biz will pass.)
Furious with the 'state of the game' right now.
I am kicking the ball.
I am good at kicking the ball.
I can win The Prize.
Sometimes I think of the sometimes when my bros and I were 'just having a kick around'. Oi oi.
'Doing some shit' at our local Leisure Centre. Oi.
We were just crazy mixed-up kids back then; I never thought that my football skills could take me to such great heights but here I am playing a game of football.
I am flying without wings.
I am 3 lions on the shirt.
I can kick a football.
I kick the football.
It is like I do not know if I am coming or going, y'all.
I can kick a football all the way to the curve of the Earth's horizon sunset, but will it bring me peace? My heart is a black and white hexagonal ball.
I am lacing my boots very very carefully.
I am checking my shin pads and stuff.
Football.
I runaround the football pitch for 10 thousand miles then return to the dug out and stare at myself in a mirror for like 10mins.
"Did you win The Prize?" my reflection asks.
"I did my best," I reply.
"Not good enough, fucko."
"I did my best."
"Not good enough, fucko."
"..."
Fuck football >:-[ angryface
I always wanted to be a football man.
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Oh wow. After that touching insight into the very mind of a football man I feel pretty whatevs about it. Time for a quick Q&A?
Q&A
Who gives an eff about football? (This question is rhetorical. The answer is, similar to the broad from Game of Thrones, 'No one'.)
I am so ashamed when these knuckle-draggers plod their way through Europe to 'support the team to win The Prize'. That's why I mostly pretend I'm not English when I go on holiday. For reals; be it Gatwick Airport or bumblefuck-middle-of-nowhere in Asia, I always speak words in a miscellaneous European accent. (Not really a question.)
WTF is Love Island? I feel that football men and the broads that they have on that show are in a symbiotic relationship. (Not really a question.)
Are you football?
xx
(2 kisses.)
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