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I AM A CHARITY FUNDRAISER
Charity Beggar.
Charity Mugger.
Scrounger.
Swampy.
'Fucking Asshole'.
Ugh.
I have been called it all this week. I am not sure if I can go on (with life).
I have recently started an exciting new career in Charity Fundraising.
Basically, I stand in a busy street and ask / guilt people into signing up for £5 - £10 a month (or whatever you can afford).
I am not paid an hourly wage, so my income is purely commission based. I am not sure if I can go on (with my 'career').
I have always been interested in helping those less fortunate / Caucasian / self-aware than me. Primarily, I am interested in the children with the little pot-bellies and the flies in the eyes. These children live in some of the worse conditions imaginable :-( sadface. Do you have a couple of minutes to spare so that I can tell you all about it?
- No food.
- No drinking water.
- No wireless internets. (Not even 'E'.)
- Africa, Darfur, Sudan, and of course - Poland.
The first couple of shifts I still 'fucking believed'.
Believed I was making a diff / making the world a more :-) place / making my parents proud.
I guess this is my problem - a problem that I desperately need help resolving.
I no longer chuffing care about charity.
Little by little, signature by signature, it became less about charitable donations and more about doing whatever the eff it takes to get that signature / card number (long one across the middle) / 8 digit account number / 6 digit sort code / and secret security situation number (3 numbers on the back, nigga).
I have lied.
I have harassed.
I am basically a 'prostitute' (but with a clipboard and plush soft toy free gift situation).
Little by little, signature by signature, it became less about charitable donations and more about doing whatever the eff it takes to get that signature / card number (long one across the middle) / 8 digit account number / 6 digit sort code / and secret security situation number (3 numbers on the back, nigga).
I have lied.
I have harassed.
I am basically a 'prostitute' (but with a clipboard and plush soft toy free gift situation).
I am not sure if I can go on (with my 'career' / life).
I am ashamed. iam___
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'Jeezlouise'.
What do you recommend this anon should do?
Change jobs?
Get some R E S P E C T (find out what it means to ME)?
Commit to social change (get 'back to where it all began')?
Commit virtual suicide (deactivate Facebawks account)?
Commit actual suicide (:'-( sadface-with-tear)?
Try to get a refund of 'effing worthless' degree (Media, Marine Biology, Sociology, Music Performance, Music Production, Music _____, Art, Art History, History History, French)?
Exciting new money making venture?
a) Killing spree (Grand Theft Auto IV 5)?
b) Illegal Cock-fighting situation (Pokeman)?
c) 'Stacking shelves in Tesco' (Tetris)?
It is NEVER too late to change.
Whoever gives the most savvy and emotionally-complex advice will receive an adoption package for a Jaguar. (Your adoption pack will include a quarterly news letter, a little soft toy Jaguar nig, a pen, and a certificate. The charity is called The 9th Life Foundation (probs because cats have 9 lives.))
xxxo (3 kisses & 1 hug.)
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